Just over a year after my surrender, I stood before the judge in my lavender suit. There was no church, no pastor, and no aisle to walk–no white dress, no flowers, and no organ music. And there were never invitations sent, as I could count the number attending on my two hands. In the presence […]

The shame and guilt that followed the divorce almost buried me. I never imagined this level of brokenness, this depth of loneliness, or this amount of pain. I lost everything–my church, my community, and all my relationships, with the exception of one friend. Even my parents were unsure what to do with me. I had always […]

The moment was here. And how do you possibly speak words that will change all of life? Alter relationships? And shatter everything? I never intended to hurt anyone, but my actions screamed otherwise. And the awkward formality of my seriousness caught us both off guard, “I need to talk to you…” I had no idea what would […]

The final night had come … the last time I’d sing the role of Mary, the last time I’d portray what she thought and felt, and the last moments before an impending goodbye. I cried through the closing scene, struggling to pull myself together before singing the last song. And after the post-show mingling and the […]

In order to be found by mercy, we are usually already lost. And many times we get lost in the middle of a battle– every woman’s battle … a battle that starts in the thoughts of our mind. And then, wages war in our heart. And in the spring of 1996, my battle started. A battle within my […]

Long before mercy really found me, I didn’t realize I should be the one giving it—that I should be granting grace and undeserved favor, especially in my marriage. It never occurred to me that I’d need to, because honestly … I didn’t think marriage would be that hard. From a young age I watched my […]

I was sure I understood the mercy of God years before I actually did. Life was simple growing up in a Christian home … on a walnut orchard down the end of a dirt lane. And the pace of life in my rural crop-filled San-Joaquin-Valley town was slow and steady. My mom made sure our life was […]

That Easter Sunday, 1999, I was deep in the mud and in need of mercy–covered with grit and grime and stained with the pain of my choices. Over two and a half years before, even while knowing I was wrong, I had chosen to jump right into the mud—mud that was thick and gooey, complicated […]

I don’t remember the exact moment mercy found me. It was more of a process over time, but I know when it all began. It was Easter Sunday, 1999. And I was a mess. As I crawled out of bed, my feet touched the cold wood floor, and I knew the next time I crawled back […]