The afternoon light drills through the shutter slats reminding me it’s time to be done–that dinner’s beckoning and never going to get made until we stop for the day. And who really needs to go to school past five o’clock anyway? Oh how the time gets away!
Although this is our fourth year homeschooling, this is the first year all four of the kids have been home for school. It’s a new rhythm. A new dance. And another fresh chance to break up with myself all over again … day after day after day.
There are few things that have broken me–and continue to break me–like parenthood.
Oh don’t get me wrong, I’ve had crisis before in my life–crisis that’s broken me in two.
I’ve failed.
Lost friends.
Endured life-change.
And while all those situations were hard, none of them compare to the ongoing and unrelenting, day-in and day-out, challenges of being a mom.
“Becoming a parent is a lot like breaking up with yourself … it’s learning to walk again, and the only way to do it is by falling down a lot. Because you’re becoming someone else, and your stretched and broken skin can itch with the strangeness of it … the breaking up can be a slow process. It takes courage to say no to yourself and yes to someone else. Over and over again–days, weeks, weekends, years … on end.” Lisa-Jo Baker, Surprised by Motherhood Chapter 7
Years ago, it was my ignorant, pre-parenthood, self-absorbed mentality that made me sure motherhood would be me nurturing and developing the tiny human beings God entrusted to my care–and I was sure I’d be amazing!
Yeah.
I know.
You can guess how that’s been working for me the past eighteen years.
In actuality, motherhood has been much more about God nurturing, changing, and developing my own heart, BECAUSE OF the tiny human beings He entrusted to my care.
{Giveaway} Motherhood is about breaking up w/ ourselves-all about allowing God to change our hearts. [Tweet that]
I’ve been breaking up with myself for the past eighteen years, and it’s been slow and painful–ongoing–and I am the one who continues to be changed, much more than the tiny ones I’ve been given.
And it’s this breaking up with myself that God has used–a way of me learning to die to my own self and surrender to Him alone–day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute.
Motherhood was crafted by God to change me–a tool to make me more and more like Him, if I let Him.
My friend Lisa-Jo Baker has written a beautiful and moving book called Surprised by Motherhood: Everything I Never Expected about Being a Mom. It’s a book for anyone who is a mom, has a mom, or knows a mom.
And if you haven’t read it, I cannot recommend it highly enough! It’s a book spanning Lisa-Jo’s personal journey of losing her mom to cancer, never wanting to be a mom, willingly choosing to become one, and all the chaos and beautiful mess that motherhood means for each one of us.
I’m so happy to be joining Lisa-Jo and Jennifer Dukes Lee today, as we jump in to discuss Chapters 6 & 7 of Surprised by Motherhood, as part of her online back-to-school book club! So fun!!
You can find the videos and posts to the previous chapters over here, and you can click HERE to see this week’s video.
And Yes! Don’t forget to check out Mud Stories Podcast Episode 003, with Lisa-Jo, where she shares about the grief of losing her mom to cancer when she was just eighteen, how that led her on a journey to become the woman and mom she is today, and no matter what we’re facing how we can be sad and well at the same time, all because of Christ.
And if you’ll leave a comment telling me your biggest thrill of parenthood, and your biggest struggle, next week I’ll pick one person to win a copy of Lisa-Jo’s book, Surprised by Motherhood!!
No matter what you’re facing today–from me to you may you know–you are not alone!
What is your biggest thrill of parenthood?
What is your biggest struggle?
My biggest thrill of parenthood to date is watching our little ones discover their own abilities. Our oldest is three and our youngest, one, so they’re in this sweet season of learning with each other and making one another laugh contagiously every day. It’s a beautiful gift to see your children loving and enjoying each other! My biggest struggle by far is to strike a balance with my time. I am forever torn between the things I really want and/or need to accomplish (work, things around the house, correspondence, etc.) and time spent with the kiddos. I don’t ever want to regret missing time with them while they’re young, but so many days, I go to bed feeling like I’ve really not managed to give attention to anything else, either. I think I spend too much energy wanting to “get it right” on every account that I wear myself out when I don’t let things go.