I wear it around my neck these days, this Word mercy, that changed everything for me.
This richness of God, sent from the profoundness of His deep love. A generous love I can barely grasp– a kindness I’m still at a loss to comprehend.
I remember a time I thought I actually understood it, in my pious, pastor’s-wife life. Not that being a pastor’s wife had anything to do with it at all. But it was the thinking of an ignorant good-girl, who thought she only needed grace in small and trivial ways.
But after my failure?
After my lies, and secrets? After the affair that destroyed life as I knew it, and brought me a new life?
In the midst of that mess, I stood face to face with my complete and utter depravity.
Shocked at who I’d become.
Unable to recognize myself,
And disgusted by all I’d been capable of.
And even more so. Afraid.
Afraid I had crossed an irrevocable line … especially with God.
I remember so clearly, how I slumped in my car that desperate day, listening to the message about divorce. Still wondering if I’d gone beyond the grasp of God’s love.
Choosing sin.
Choosing failure.
Choosing him.
Wondering if willful sinning had finally disqualified me from the richness of God’s mercy. Because there were some who would say it had.
I was hoping I was wrong and groped for any morsel of encouragement or hope that I could still be okay with God. All the while still suspecting I may have been uninvited to the gift party of grace.
And since sharing my story, I’ve talked to enough broken people like me to know I am not alone.
We mess up.
We trip and fall.
We live with regret and seared memories in our minds. And smells, people, and even music can trigger them at any time.
The moment we were date raped and figured promiscuity might as well follow.
The moment we saw the images and became addicted to their power.
The moment we swallowed that first drink, with addiction being the consequence we deserved.
The moment of the abortion. The sound of the instruments and the finality of the future that would have been.
Dreams awaken the past. And our hearts are haunted by the choices long ago. Choices we made when we knew better.
These choices that were before us…
When our willpower was too weak,
When our resolve was too rickety,
And when our failure, in the end, felt so final..
Like a stain we wear of a past that defines us, in the deepest parts of our souls.
A mark on our heart telling us we’re beyond Him.
All the while carrying the shame. Guilt. Rejection. Depression and despair.
But Mercy.
Our God is rich in mercy.
And His Mercy Found Me, and I will never be the same.
Because that’s what our God does.
EVEN when we feel dead in our failure, dead in our sin, and dead in our transgressions, if we surrender to Him, He chooses to make us live.
HE does it. It is ALL Him.
And not only does His mercy and great love pursue us, resuscitating us to life–as if that’s not enough!
But He goes further. Much further.
God raises us up. Pulls us out. Rescues us. And redeems it in His time. [Tweet that]
He seats us near His Son, that we may experience the riches of His grace in kindness toward us forever and for all time … an experience that will never ever end.
And it all starts with His. GREAT. Mercy.
A mercy that found me. One that really can, find you too. [Tweet that]
But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:4-8 (NASB)
How have you struggled to surrender your past?
How has God ‘s mercy found you?
I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:
Mercy…
About thirteen years ago, I had an affair too. I entered into the new relationship, which turned out to be an abusive one. I stayed for two years, believing I deserved the punishment I was receiving. It took a long while, but I realised that I didn’t deserve what was done to me and to find a place of healing and growth.
i love this passage jacque. i enjoyed reading parts of your story again. GOD’s mercy and grace is wonderful isn’t it?
This is so beautiful. Knowing that God seeks us and His mercy finds us continues to captivate me. It’s an overwhelming love and wash of forgiveness like no other. I always enjoy reading you, friend. Have a lovely and mercy-filled day in Him!
So thankful for God’s mercy.
Completely beautiful, and your blog is so pretty! Have a lovely day!
Ashley from http://theheartofashley.blogspot.com/
Beautiful mercy here….doesn’t His mercy just break a heart apart…oh His saving Grace …how it saves us all….blessings to you sweet lady.
Wow girl. I say again, wow. What beauty from ashes your story reveals and the perfect picture of full throttle-sold out LOVE from the Father. How I wish I could just give you a great big hug. Mercy and redemption SHINE when they are revealed and GLORY dances all around the Father as a result. Let Him be praised and let your voice be heard… God raises us up. Pulls us out. Rescues us. And redeems it in His time.
THANK YOU.
I am humbled by your honesty, a dying trait that so few understand fully. I can see from your words that God’s mercies have changed a woman, hurting and desperate. I too have been on the receiving end of such unjustified love, God never fails us especially where His love is concerned! http://vintagehousewife.org/2013/09/13/five-minute-friday-mercy/
I love this; it’s beautiful. Great reminders. Love the title — how it’s nothing we can do but mercy FINDS us. So powerful, humbling, and leaves me at peace to know God is in control.
Thank you for sharing God’s story He’s writing over your life Jacque! Precious. Love you’re sincere vulnerability.
And there is hope for healing and growth…I’m so glad you realized that! xo
Thank you Martha…indeed wonderful!!
You bless me with your kindness, Jennifer. His mercy is overwhelming and I am indeed captivated by His love! xo
Me too Kimberly…me too!
Thank you. So sweet…xo
Breaks. it. A-Part. Yes…love you so. xo
{{{Hugs}}} from afar sweet Dawn! xo
Never ever fails…and yes, His mercy found me, and changed it all. Blessings!
Thank you…yes! Such peace because He IS in control and works ALL things for our good!
Thank you so much Wendy…so much!
“God raises us up. Pulls us out. Rescues us. And redeems it in His time” I wholeheartedly believe this. And as I read your story, I am so blessed by it. Thank you for sharing your story. Mercy has truly found you. You are blessed.
Visiting from FMF
Thank you Aileen…thank you for seeing Him through it…and may many other hearts be found by this same mercy of our Great God that makes all things new! Blessings to you…
You write with such honesty and rawness. I’m wandering through your blog (when I should be doing other things!), crying and marvelling at our God’s grace. He is the God who specialises in brokenness…who redeems and makes whole in ways that are completely beyond our comprehension.