Anger and frustration are the children of unmet expectations.
And unmet expectations kill relationships.
I should know this by now. It’s a lesson always before me, one I never really learn. It happens in my marriage, with my parents, my children and my friends.
And it all starts in my mind.
I begin to imagine how things will be. I dream up what I will say and how they will respond, and how we’ll interact in general. I anticipate the process and guess at the outcome and set myself up to fail before anything ever begins.
I thought He’d be home on time.
I thought she’d understand me.
I thought they’d obey the first time.
I thought she’d be free for dinner.
I thought they’d clean up the mess.
I thought he’d clean the kitchen.
I thought, I thought, I thought…
And then comes the reality, smacking me hard every single time.
I had an expectation and it wasn’t met. And I’m angry. I’m frustrated.
And with my very thoughts, I have killed the relationship in the moment.
Just. Like. That.
And why does it always surprise me? Really, when will I ever learn?
They didn’t even stand a chance—no opportunity to meet my need, no idea about me and my unrealistic-concocted-full-of-thoughts expectations.
I do this to myself, every single time. And I’m guessing you do too.
We are the only ones who can stop these ridiculous expectations.
We are the only ones who can choose to bring life and joy back in … one thought at a time.
Have you ever had any unrealistic expectations?
How have they frustrated or angered you?
How did you reclaim your joy?
I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to take five minutes and just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing, with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:
Expectation…
oh sweet friend…it is like we talked about this word together… I wrote a very similar post…oh God has been digging deep in this area in my life…I am finding freedom…but I know there is more to come… blessings as choose to live one thought at a time….have a wonderful weekend~
Expectations have many sides and can bring about many experiences, emotions, and thoughts … both good and bad. I really like your last line: “We are the only ones who can choose to bring life and joy back in … one thought at a time”
I very often have to remind myself that I am not in control of everything that happens … but I do have a say in how I react!
Let Go and Let God.
Old and trite but oh so true.
He reminded me of it again this morning.
Blessings,
Felecia
Yes, one thought at a time, because the freedom is right before me if I choose it!
And doesn’t it always come back to that, no matter how we’re tempted to think it’s about the other person’s faults, the truth is we can choose our thoughts and reactions, in fact that’s all we can control…such a hard thing!
Thank you Felecia 🙂
that is so true, Jackie…we think in our minds, but forget to speak it out of out mouth….we do this with the Lord too…but the word tells us that “out of the mouth, a confession is made”…this does not just mean regarding our salvation, but as we speak to our mountain to “get out of our way”….and “all things, whatsoever we ask in prayer, believing, we shall receive”…….Mt. 21:22; so often we think in our heads of what we expect someone to do….but forget to speak it to them out of our mouth…..Hosea speaks it that “God’s people are destroyed for lack of knowledge:…..Lord, help us to speak out of the mouth what your word says…and keep things which are negative to ourselves…..for” out of the heart…the mouth will speak”….amazing how we get so anxious and upset at someone…when things stay in our mind as to what our expectations are….as our friends and loved ones do not read minds….and since God gave us a free will to speak…..”ask and ye shall receive”……
great post. the killer of the relationship…