I struggle with feeling insignificant.
My mind sometimes wonders if I’m making a difference at all.
And I want to belong. I want my words to matter.
I want someone to think I’m great and find me worth investing in–someone who has been where I want to go, who can teach me and help me get there.
I want a mentor, but I’m afraid to ask.
I’ve noticed a few people I admire who would make good mentors. And I’ve been trying to work up the courage to call and ask them to go to lunch. But I don’t.
I don’t do it … and I’m wondering if that happens to you too?
Why don’t I just pick up the phone and call? After all, the worst that could happen is what is already happening: I have no mentor.
While flat-out rejection is part of why I don’t ask, that’s not the only reason. There is something worse than flat-out rejection. It would be getting told yes, actually meeting, and then being rejected after that. How humiliating would that would be?
And you don’t have to tell me. I know it’s my own feelings of inadequacy that are holding me back. I already know it’s my weak thinking and unjustified assumptions that are cheating me out of a mentor relationship.
And who knows?
Maybe I’m cheating someone out of a chance to mentor me?
Maybe they’ve actually been longing to be a mentor to someone?
And now that I think of it, who really asks to be someone’s mentor anyway? That would be awkward. I know I would never do that, even if I thought I’d be a great mentor for them. Instead, I’d feel like I was being presumptuous, or even a bit arrogant to suggest I become their mentor.
And I think there are many of you in my same shoes…
You want to find a mentor, but are afraid to ask.
We all want to feel significant, to belong, and to make a difference. And we all need someone to believe in us. Someone who’s been where we want to go. Someone to show us the ropes and cheer us on.
So what if we made a decision to push past our fear, put on our big-girl pants, and make that call? What if we just stared down our doubts and insecurities and just asked for what we want? Boldly and bravely and kindly?
Who knows what God would do if we stepped out on that limb? And while it’s true we may get rejected, it is very possible it could be the beginning of something life-changing. And we may just be surprised, even overwhelmed, at the result.
Do you want a mentor but are afraid to ask?
Who do you need to call? What are you waiting for?
A few helpful resources:
Five Ways to Find a Mentor, by Daniel Darling (guest post for Michael Hyatt)
How to find (and keep) a mentor in 10 Not-So-Easy Steps, by Jeff Goins
3 Benefits of a Mentor (and how to get one) , by Kat (guest post for Simple Mom)
i really like what you’ve written here–for so many reasons. thanks for the encouragement! and the resources at the end are good reads, as well.
i have something new to ponder this day. thanks and have a blessed day!
steph
This is a great post!! I’ve never thought about someone wanting to mentor me, I’ve been focused on wanting to be mentored!!
I love this topic. About a year or so ago I was in church and sort of complaining to God… “I want a mentor” and I told him “you know how the older women help the younger ones and all that great encouragement stuff”… then I quietly heard a small voice of awareness that said “You are the older woman… it is your role to help others with what you have learned”… wow was that a shocker.
Yeah I am 57 and in the category of older now.
It woke me up and shook me to my core that I am in a new role.
So… I would love to encourage you in whatever areas you need.
Yes! I have longed for a mentor. I’ve not really had a mentor since my youth pastor’s wife (and that was 20 years ago!). And the funny thing is, I also long to mentor someone younger than me too! Love this post, Jacque. It really speaks truth from the depths.
You are so welcome!
Aurie, you never know who’s been longing for you to ask 🙂
Oh Sharon, thank you for your encouragement … for visiting here and interacting to help build a community with me. What grace, thank you.
I can so relate to you…longing for a mentor and also wanting to speak truth and wisdom into someone else’s life. May it be so for us both, is my prayer, my friend!
Thank you for this post… I needed to hear this today!
Blessings!
This is a fantastic post. I struggle with just asking for what I want and need, because I do fear being told no. I’m afraid of someone I admire telling me they’re not interested in spending time with me, or thinking that I’m presumptuous to ask.
I struggle too, for the same reasons you do, and I’m thinking we’re not alone. May this be the beginning of us all deciding to take the risk!
Oh how I can relate to this! Great post!
Jacque, I would love for you to be my mentor one day 🙂