For When Your Heart Aches…

Do I really dare to write the ways my heart aches—the ways I feel bare and exposed?

How do I give words to the dull underlying feeling that seems to be inevitable in this life?

I drive to work as the sun begins to rise, and the song plays. And its refrain undoes me. I ache at the moments I’m not seizing and the ways I feel like I’m failing. Will I look back and regret? I don’t want to. And I repurpose in my heart right there as I drive, to love them stronger, to speak life deeper, and to hug longer than I’ve been doing.

I pull in to my dark driveway at the end of the day and read the emails, all of them ending with expressions of love. And while I know they are heartfelt and sincere, I still ache. I ache at having friends that I can’t spend time with face to face. People I call friends, but I hardly ever see. I long for connection—that face to face time.

I go upstairs and it isn’t even 5 minutes I’ve been home, and I misinterpret what he says again, and the conversation unravels. And I stand there at the end of the bed exposed and bare again, like a tree in winter. No leaves, no sun, just exposed to the cold right there. And while I try to hold back the tears they spill over my eyelids. And I ache. Even here in this place, with the person who knows me best, I fail. And I long to be more. I long to connect. I want to be known.

And the longing to connect and be known is my signal—I’m empty and He’s the one I need.

He’s the only one who can possibly soothe the real aches—connection with Him the only lasting thing that satisfies. May I listen to that signal, and run to Him when my heart aches.

Psalm 86:3-13, 15-17 (NASB)

³ Be gracious to me, O Lord,
For to You I cry all day long.
⁴ Make glad the soul of Your servant,
For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
⁵ For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,
And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You.
⁶ Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer;
And give heed to the voice of my supplications!
⁷ In the day of my trouble I shall call upon You,
For You will answer me.
⁸ There is no one like You among the gods, O Lord,
Nor are there any works like Yours.
⁹ All nations whom You have made shall come and worship before You, O Lord,
And they shall glorify Your name.
¹⁰ For You are great and do wondrous deeds;
You alone are God.

¹¹ Teach me Your way, O LORD;
I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your name.
¹² I will give thanks to You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
And will glorify Your name forever.
¹³ For Your lovingkindness toward me is great,
And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.
¹⁵ But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth.
¹⁶ Turn to me, and be gracious to me…
¹⁷ Show me a sign for good…

Because You, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

 

May you find comfort in Him, in the moments of life when your heart aches.

 Is your heart aching today?

How can I pray for you?

I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to take five minutes and just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing, with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:

Ache…

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The Grace Giver When Our Heart Aches, He Meets Us Even There Open {Trusting in ALL He Has in Store}