Well, last Friday I didn’t have internet access because I was on an island in the Bahamas, enjoying the sunshine. And this week when I checked-in to read about last Friday’s Five-Minute-Friday-community, I just couldn’t resist joining in.
It’s because I believe in the word she chose–a word I long to be true of this place. I want to walk together with you, and I long for us to be REAL. And so I wrote for five minutes straight from my heart … because let’s be honest, we all have places in our lives where our hearts break and we hurt, even when most things are going fine. Will you join me today?
GO!
Real.
The real truth is … my heart is ripping apart because you are ripping from me. You are becoming a man. And you need to distance yourself from me. But it hurts. It feels like I’m being rejected.
And I hate the consequence of divorce. I hate the reality that the pain is further compounded and exaggerated because we don’t live together, even though you live just around the corner. We don’t just hang out together at the house—you doing your thing and me doing mine. I don’t have the privilege to just be in your presence anytime for no reason at all. I don’t get to make you food. I don’t do your laundry. Moments of conversation don’t happen as much because we’re not ‘just together’ in the same house. And I’m missing so much of you.
I remember holding your tiny body pressed against mine. You were so small. I remember feeling that you were a part of me—and I still do. You are still mine. Even though I no longer can hold you in my arms like that. I can no longer rock you and soothe you and make all the 16-year-old problems go away. I can’t fix your missing homework or the grades you think are just fine. I can’t solve your issues for you.
And I can only know as much about you as you allow–only as far as you let me in. You are in control of you now. And I am merely here as the support beam for you to be launched soon into the world. And the real truth is, it hurts. This becoming manhood is real, and it hurts. And I really wish I could change so many things. I wish I could have made so many of those past moments count for more. But it is what it is. And this ripping … it is right before me … and it couldn’t be more real.
STOP!
Whatever is ripping you today, may you know you are not alone. And may you also know, we serve a God who is closest to those who are of a broken heart.
Psalm 34:18 (NASB) The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
May you feel the closeness of God in your most broken and vulnerable moments. He is right there with you. Really, He is.
What has been ripping your heart lately?
When was a time when you were broken-hearted and felt God close?
How can I pray for you today?
I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to take five minutes and just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing, with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:
Real…
I can so relate to this, Jacque. I’m not in a divorce situation, but have gone through the “ripping apart” that is normal in a teen’s life–especially when that teen is a boy becoming a man. (I have three sons–my youngest is a couple of weeks from turning 16). I will pray for you and know that you are not alone in this difficult stage of life. Blessings*
Beauty. Ache. Vulnerability. Thank you Jacque, for taking the 5 minutes, and producing your heart.
Ahhhh! This hurts my heart to read. I don’t want my babies to grow up and be ripped from me. Thank you for reminding me to cherish the moments even in when I’m “in the trenches” and I’d rather not.
so sorry for the pain…thank you for the honesty…but not matter where…son do pull away…it is a good healthy place…hard on a mommas heart…but good for the boy/man to grow…praying for extra grace for you and you travel these uncharted waters…
Wow, fantastic post, Jacque. Pray for my daughter/circumstances…..God knows.
Thanks and blessings~~~
Thank you, it is comforting to know this is part of normal. Thank you for your prayers…
What moving words you used. I’m so thankful you came by today, really.
Yes, always our challenge, to give thanks for the now and not wish for the past or yet-to-come. I heard lately: “The grass is always greener where you water it” and I just loved that!
I so appreciate your words of encouragement, and am especially thankful for your prayers! So thankful!!
Thank you, and I AM praying for you, your daughter and whatever the circumstance is. And yes, God knows. And He cares!
Yes! I have not experienced divorce, but I can so relate to your missing your son. Mine oldest will soon leave for the Army…where does the time go…ripped away in the business of everyday life. Thank you for really sharing your heart. You’ve touched a cord.
Keep up the God work.
Thank you for your words of encouragement! So thankful you stopped by!!
I feel these same things in various stages with my kids. My baby boy gaining more and more independence; my baby girl who started school this year; my oldest girl struggling to find herself as she grows into a young lady. The pain is all too real. Thanks for sharing!
Popping over from Thought Provoking Thursdays. And I live your blog header. 😉
Thank you so much for popping over…it is nice to feel encouraged and know I’m not alone! Have a blessed day!
Painful times. It was hard for me when my daughter got married. I still want to “fix” everything for her. Throughout the painful times of our lives God is there! I’m praying God will be close to you, too.