It’s late as I sit down to write this weekly gratitude post and I don’t feel like being thankful tonight. It’s been a long week, a rough day, and I’m tired. Tired of swimming upstream to give thanks. Tired of this season of life. Tired of reading perky posts where thanks is listed in a seemingly easy stream of authentic gratitude.
And I’m pretty sure you’ve had your struggling moments too. I’m thinking you’ve had thoughts similar to mine at one time or another…
What’s wrong with me?
Shouldn’t gratitude just ooze out of my heart if it is aligned to His?
Why do I have to be thankful for this when it’s just so hard?
Why do I have to search for the gifts?
Because if they really were gifts, wouldn’t they feel like gifts …wouldn’t it be obvious?
My days are full and my tasks make me weary, and honestly, I’m overwhelmed with role conflict from one minute to the next. Even as I’m typing this, the kids are upstairs laughing loudly and playing, when they’re supposed to be getting ready for bed. I haven’t eaten dinner, and I only have thirty minutes to pick up the downstairs before our first meeting with a new marriage mentoring couple.
And I’m a mess.
What am I doing mentoring anyone?
What am I able to offer?
And I remember Ann’s words that have echoed in my mind since I heard her speak them in October…
“God appoints those who disappoint,
to point to the God who never disappoints…”
~Ann Voskamp
And those words encourage me in these hazy overcast days. When I don’t feel usable. When I don’t want to give thanks. It’s in the middle of this weakness that His grace bridges the gap. It’s when He becomes the one who makes me strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV) But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
And the longer my list of thanks grows, the more I’m realizing gratitude is a discipline, that feeling like giving thanks is not a prerequisite to actually giving thanks. That ultimately it is my choice–something I decide to do because my mind determines it is profitable, because I long to obey, and because I know how it transforms me and brings joy.
In fact, God’s word tells us to bring a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and it wouldn’t be a sacrifice if it wasn’t hard to do.
Psalm 50:14-15 (ESV) Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and perform your vows to the Most High, and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.” Psalm 50:23 (ESV) The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!” Psalm 107:21-22 (ESV) Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! And let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving, and tell of his deeds in songs of joy! Psalm 116:17 (ESV) I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the Lord.
So with masks off and the real deal on … this is hard. And I don’t want to give thanks, but I’m going to do it anyway. I will offer a sacrifice–disciplining myself to give thanks anyhow.
Will you steal away a few moments and join me?
Will you choose to give thanks anyway, no matter what you’re facing today?
Because maybe, just maybe, if gratitude was so easy, it wouldn’t hold the power to transform our hearts and bring so much joy.
How have you been changed by choosing to give thanks when you didn’t feel like it?
Continuing on, in the counting of One Thousand Gifts {#1266-1275} with Ann and this community, and the Joy Dare of 2012 with February’s printable…
#1266 The rest and pause of life, because of strep throat and three days of fever
#1267 The health and intelligence of my children, as they argue and disobey frequently
#1268 The finances that allow us to buy what we need, as the stuff lies around and clutters the entire house
#1269 The almost-completed backyard, as evidenced by the dirt footprints all over the freshly mopped floor
#1270 The argument we had, showing we both care enough to be engaged and fight, as opposed to becoming indifferent and silent
#1271 Getting to see my patient deliver just fifteen minutes before my shift ended, even though it made me late to leave
#1272 The chance to homeschool and spend intentional time together, even though I’m so behind on lesson planning
#1273 Children awake and reading loudly to one another, so very early in the morning
#1274 God’s word given to me, as I struggle through Leviticus and Numbers
#1275 The freedom to worship and give thanks, even as a sacrifice
Jacque, your honesty lets me know I’m not alone when I just don’t feel like being thankful. And I question myself, How can I feel that way? When I feel that way, it’s so easy to miss the little things. The little things that I should be thankful for and bring me joy. So I keep trying, even if I’m late posting and linking up. (like I am today!)
Blessings,
Laura
Oh, thank you for the reminder that to gift thanks is a discipline. This will stick with me all day: feeling like giving thanks is not a prerequisite to actually giving thanks. So true! Blessings as you keep counting! Alicia @the Overflow http://www.aliciabruxvoort,net
Oh Laura, you are NOT alone! One foot in front of the other, my friend!
I’m so glad to meet you here…praying for you and your community in the wake of such tradegy…the hard eucharisteo no doubt. Blessings!
LOVE this! As always you are such an inspiration. I love the quote by Voskamp! I think i needed to hear that… sadly, i feel stuck there, disappointing.
visiting from ann’s and i’m so glad i did.
trusting that the hard eucharisteo yields beautiful fruit for you, and more importantly for HIM.
SO relate to this. I’m not really sure how I found your blog, but have been subscribed for a couple months. I really appreciate your honesty & open heart. I believe God will bless our honesty before Him. We are only human. He is our Almighty, faithful Father.
Oh friend, a sacrifice is just that…hard! Action first then feelings follow, be encouraged! And yes, Ann’s words are always food for the soul…always!
Yes, for Him…so thankful you stopped by!
Thank you for your words of encouragement…as I dare to right with transparency I pray He uses it for even just one other heart that needs to hear. Thank you for sharing with me!
Yee haw! I love this post. Yes, indeed, giving thanks IS a discipline. And like all the disciplines, it puts us into the place of being changeable, and God changes us. The work, of course, is God’s–only God can transform hearts–but he asks us to cooperate with Him, to come to Him, to surrender to Him. Intentional thanksgiving is one of the best ways to do that! And I think that doing it even when your emotions are mixed and you’re feeling terribly unworthy is one of the most effective disciplines of all.
So to your post I say–amen, amen, amen! Thank you for writing out what so many people feel–and doing it eloquently and beautifully. And thank you for joining Grace at Home!
I love this!
A beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.
Why are you doing marriage mentoring?
My husband and I have done marriage mentoring on and off for several years, helping couples who are getting married or who are in crisis in their relationship. Often times God uses our very most broken places to help others in their broken places, and it is only because of His grace toward us all that it is even possible. Thad and I have made some big mistakes in marriage and have failed much–not tending to our previous marriages, having an emotional affair, and then a physical one, getting divorced, remarrying each other–so much failure, and yet with repentance God forgives sin and redeems and restores any of our lives when we surrender to him. And while He forgives, there are still unavoidable consequences, and we are still experiencing them. But God in His mercy and grace uses our mistakes for His good, and standing beside another couple in crisis, or offering support to a couple getting married-in the hope to save them or prevent some of the pain of poor choices-is a way we can offer our brokenness to be used by Him for good. And He has been faithful to do just that. And I am so very thankful. I hope that helps. Blessings to you…