I still feel it like it was yesterday.
Memories sear hearts.
She had been my friend. My familiar friend. My close friend.
The pain. Memories still ringing, resonating in the deepest rooms of my heart…in rooms I don’t visit often and where cobwebs reside and where time has run past…
But still, aching resides there, echoes of the pain I knew. There is a longing within…
- A longing to know and be known
- A longing to give and receive
- A longing to share and be trusted
- To be known intimately and deeply
- To bypass superficialities and niceties
- To share the realness of life with another
- To bare our soul safely and in return cradle the soul of another
This longing which is meant to be realized as one cares for another.
To be a you-can-call-me-at three-in-the-morning-and–I-will-come, kind of friend, and to have, and to trust, in the actions of another for your good, and to rest in their resilient protection and defense…Oh to BE this kind of friend and be blessed with this kind of friend!
And humility strips raw to the core;
And acknowledging brokenness a vulnerability,
Seeking peace a risk,
Pursuing grace a life-long marathon.
And it is grace and wholeness I seek in that wanna-be Denny’s pancake house, as we meet that Saturday morning. And my heart races, and my words roll out, offered up to the her. Me trembling and wondering and hoping for resolution that does not come.
It. Does. Not. Come.
And yet, the ultimate purpose of humility is beyond what comes or does not come.
A purpose that can not be reduced to the mere human outcome.
For when we offer ourselves in humility, and run to Him who is the source of all things, it is God alone who is the Grace Giver.
It is He who heals the seared parts with the balms of His mercy, and grace, and lovingkindness.
It is for the purpose of honoring Him, that we bow low, and tenaciously follow His example of humility.
That we cease striving to force connection on our own….cease trying to clench tightly and control the others’ response.
And in doing so, irregardless of human outcomes, we are freed.
For what can mere man do to me, when I am sustained by Him, who is the Sustainer of my soul?
Psalm 56:4 In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me? Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be forsaken.
And amidst the today relationships, the surge comes every now and again…shorting out the hope of anticipation, shorting out the dreams of intimate friendship and the longing for reciprocal relationship.
The sting of indirect-by-default rejection.
The disappointment of a hoped-for friendship deposited into the category of acquaintance.
And life is busy, and time is little, and priorities are set. And it is not to be.
And even still, a choice to bow low in humility…and in abundance or lacking, with open hands relinquishing control…to receive ALL that He freely gives…and the grace comes flooding and rushing in.
1 Peter 5:5 …all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.
The grace waters rise and water my thirsty soul, with the connection my soul longs for…the kind of intimacy that can only be found in Him who is…
THE Grace Giver.
How have you felt God’s grace amidst woundedness, disappointment or rejection?
Praying waters of rushing grace over you, this day, my friends!
I am in tears…this resonates so much with my heart….the deep places with in me that cry out daily. The secret places only He sees…..you have spoken straight to the very core of my being…thank you for that.
I loved this, Jacque. I’ve felt the same sting in those vulnerable moments. What great verses to remind me that though there is pain in broken relationships, our Sustainer can fill each void to overflowing.
And the deep and secret places…that He knows and heals…thank YOU friend, for sharing here.
Ahhh yes, the sting! And then the filling by Him to overflowing…unending grace!
I can totally relate to those hopes for friendship and the disappointments that go along with it. I struggle with it a lot in this broken world. Thanks for sharing. I’d like to hear more about this.