realness Archives - Jacque Watkins

A Letter to You, For When You’re Weary

May 16, 2013 by Jacque 10 Comments

Dear weary mom,

I see you. And I’ve been you. Weary, drooping, and exasperated, like week-old tulip petals trying to hang on. Fading and withering, more and more … until weak, and all used-up, and falling right down.

I am you. And I know.

I see the messes you face over and over again.

The Cheerios appearing on the floor without fail, every single morning.

The dishes piling one on top of another … because the dishwasher’s already clean and there isn’t even one moment to unload it.

The toys regenerating and scattered throughout the house.

The crayon marks and drops of watermelon juice smeared all over the floor, which you only notice after stepping there.

The shoe closet littered with empty water bottles, because those boys discarded them in a rush while re-packing their baseball bags.

The layer of dust on the corners of each stair and the dried blue toothpaste clumps in the sink.

The crumbs of goldfish decorating that carpet you just vacuumed yesterday and the papers piled all over the counter.

The unmade beds and unopened mail, and empty toilet paper roll … the one changed only by you.

Believe me, I see. And I know.

I see the craziness of your schedule as you try to survive each day.

I see how you wake to their bickering, negotiate their apologies, redirect their insults, and teach them to forgive each other over and over again. I know that process is long. I know the detour it cuts into your day. I know.

I see how you spend hours in the car. How it’s morning school drop-offs, and just hours later a Kindergarten pick-up. And without even two hours more, I see how you leave for elementary pick-up and linger around waiting for that high-schooler to be out. Multiple schools, multiple drop-off and pick up times.

I see how you drive all over town accommodating dance lessons and soccer practice, baseball games and youth group meetings, hours and hours in the car.

I see how you take all of them to the grocery store and beg them to obey. And by aisle four, two are fighting over the police-car-shopping-cart’s steering wheel, while another one’s trying to climb out of the basket altogether.

I see how you stand and cook dinner and maneuver the cranky dinnertime hour. How you answer their philosophical questions and debate their intellectual points, as you try to follow the measurements of that recipe before you.

I see how you run a marathon every single day. Multitasking, constantly thinking, and trying to plan a step ahead all along the way. The sheer physicality of it is exhausting. I know.

I see how you want to exercise but can’t. How you want quiet time but know nothing of quiet. And how you long for simpler days where you cease to run the crazed race as someone demands something at every hour.

But mostly, I see the intentions of your heart, and the desperation that resides there.

You long to be seen, and you want to be known. You want the reassurance you’re doing what matters, and in the process you’re not making too big a mess of it all.

You want to be seen for your intentions, and valued for trying … And I do see how you’re trying, yet wishing for something more, and craving the security instant success could bring.

I see how you’re stretched thin but keep hanging on.

How your doubt hovers like a cloud,

How your effectiveness seems uncertain,

And how you’re wondering if you’re cut out for this at all.

I see how you purpose to train and teach your children to become who God wants them to be. How you long to love them, but sometimes don’t really like them. And how the guilt weighs you down as a result.

I know your patience wanes and you reach your limit. I can hear the tone of your voice grow as the words you speak become arrows that pierce their hearts. Even the best of us blow it. We do. Oh how I know.

I see you. I’ve been you. And many, many days … I am you.

But the desperation of my own weary heart wants you to know we are in this together, my friend.

You are not alone.

This life as a mother is one of the hardest ones ever. Not for the faint of heart at all.

But may I whisper something to your weary heart even now?

God … loves … you.

And He chose YOU, for these dependent little moldable lives.

He picked you, amidst these adolescent years, for this. Even now.

And with His help, you really ARE enough. Because He says you are. [Tweet that]

You must know that today … YOU are seen and YOU are known. By Him and by me.

You. Are. Not. Alone.

With much love for you. And much hope for our continued time together,

I’ll be joining some beautiful women over at the new blog, Hope for the Weary Mom. Together we’re called Team Hope, and we’ll be spending time with you every Tuesday through Thursday, getting to know each other, with reassurances to your weary heart that you are not alone.

And every Thursday, starting TODAY, there will be a Dear Weary Mom link up, with mammas sharing their words of encouragement and hope.

You can visit the blog, like the Facebook page, or follow on Twitter.

Won’t you join us?

I think you’ll be so very glad you did!

Filed Under: Adversity, Character, Community, Failure, Faith, Friendship, God's Promises, God's Sovereignty, Hope, Hope for the Weary Mom, Motherhood, Relationships Tagged With: aching, failing, friendship, longing, motherhood, realness, weary mom

How Your Story Can Change the World

May 10, 2013 by Jacque 10 Comments

Our stories are made to comfort others. And your story can change the world.

Where we’ve been, what we’ve walked through … all that pain and suffering, or guilt and shame, is never, ever wasted, when we surrender it to the Giver of all things and allow Him to use it for good.

Whenever I speak or write about my story, I’m humbled and amazed at the stories women share with me in return.

I hear of their deepest hurts, the tragedy of their brokenness, and the failures that continue to grip their lives with a strength they can’t seem to shake. They speak realities they’ve never shared with anyone before, and write to me with bravery and honesty … and also with their thanks, that I went first.

Being willing to go first is a gift–the gift of comfort.

Many tell me how they felt alone and thought they were beyond hope. And while the details of their situations are all different, one thread weaves through them all. A longing for the comfort of knowing they are not alone.

Sharing our stories lifts hearts, lightens burdens, & gives us hope that we are not alone. [Tweet that]

Let’s face it, after I share, there’s not much worse that can be shared. My story climbs into the top ten of the worst of the worst. But here’s the thing, my willingness to go first and the transparency of my words, bring freedom to imprisoned hearts.

Knowing where I’ve been and how God rescued even me, surprises and comforts and changes others, in ways they never expected were possible.

Our stories change the world.

Sometimes sharing with bravery and courage, in the face of the fear of rejection, is one of the most powerful risks we can take. And maybe, just maybe, it becomes one of the most comforting too.

Because if God did it for me, that means He can do it for you too.

When surrendered to Him, our failures scream the love of our God who never gives up on us.

Our pain resonates the unending mercy that is ours in Him.

And our brokenness echoes the grace He provides.

A gift that’s underserved. A gift that fills in the fractured cracks. A gift He uses to redeem and restore all things.

Your story can change the world because of the comfort others find in your words. [Tweet that]

May you take the risk and go first, and be exhilarated at all God will do!

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer.

Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings,

you will also share in our comfort.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 (ESV)

Have you ever shared your story?

What comfort did others find in your words?

I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to take five minutes and just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write for 5 20 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing, with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:

Comfort…

Filed Under: Adversity, Authenticity, Brokenness, Character, Community, Faith, Five Minute Friday, God's Love, God's Mercy & Grace, Guilt & Shame, Hope, Relationships Tagged With: brokenness, failing, forgiveness, mercy, realness

How Bob Goff Showed Me Love Does

May 5, 2013 by Jacque 13 Comments

They rave about it at our church for weeks … rave about the arrival of Bob Goff. Even my husband is excited about it. And besides imagining the meaning of the words “love does”, I know nothing of what to expect. My expectations are hopeful for a message that moves me, but I have no idea what it will be.

I sit mesmerized by the blue screen with the balloons floating up. The colored balloons. And I can’t lie. I’m attracted to their color and larger-than-life size, reminded of parties and celebrations and joy. I’m lifted by their buoyancy and feeling lighter because of their presence. Still. What does doing love have to do with floating balloons? And just as I’m lost in the pondering, worship music jolts me back. And with the shrug of a shoulder, I wait to see.

We worship about the love of God … how I’m so unworthy, but still He loves me. How He’s who I need. How there’s no other name but Jesus. How the riches of His love will always be enough. And how my heart will sing, no other name, Jesus. Jesus.

As I sing, my insides are tossed and turned at the thought of his love. Not because I’m nervous. But because of how undeservedly blessed I am that He takes a chance on me.

That He wants me.

That He loves me.

In spite of it all.

My insides flip-flop and my heart fills with emotion when I realize, again, there is never EVER anything that can, or will, separate me from His great love.

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers,

nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,

nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,

will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39 (ESV)

And then it happens.

Who knew I’d need a seatbelt in church?

Who knew I’d laugh in one second, and then, after the next sentence, feel my eyes water with thanks for the way God loves?

Who knew I’d be captivated and time would fly at the speed of sound and it’d be over before I could absorb it all?

Who knew I’d leave changed, unable to shake this kind of love that does. What a wild ride. I want to get on again. I want to ride over and over until I know the ride by heart.

Bob Goff describes the love of a Savior. A love that doesn’t just think about loving, but a love that does.

What comfort I find as he speaks…

I am part of the bride of Christ. As the doors open, Jesus, my groom, stands at the end of the aisle and grins teary-eyed as He sees me.

He knows me, and still … He loves me.

He does not define me by what I do or who I am.

No.

He sees who I am becoming in Him.

Life sometimes clutters my view of Jesus. It fills with countless things and I can’t even see Him, let alone hear His voice.

The best practice is to just quit something. To look at life and all I’m doing, and just quit. Every week to just quit something, each passing week leaving more room to SEE Him.

It’s true. Sometimes I fake it. I’m a poser, trying too hard.

Why?

Because I’m afraid …

Afraid of not doing enough. Not being enough.

Afraid of failing. Afraid I won’t measure up.

But Jesus says … be not afraid. BE. NOT. AFRAID.

I am chosen.

I am called. Called to live a life worthy of my calling.

And what is that?

What am I called to do?

Well … perhaps that’s the wrong question. Maybe the better question is …

What am I good at? What am I REALLY good at? Yeah. Do that. Start there.

What am I bad at? Yeah. Don’t do that. Just don’t.

Everyone wants to make a difference in the world, but few want to live differently. Few want to leave the comfort of thinking about loving and actually do love.

To choose to extend the hands and feet of Jesus.

To SEE who someone is becoming and intentionally choose to show them love.

Like a floating balloon lifts into the sky … We must LIFT THEM UP.

Love does.

And when it does, God moves. He changes everything.

And He wants to blow my mind with all He has in store as I choose to do love.

Bob’s energy is contagious. His love for Jesus is infectious. His acts of love nothing less than pure inspiration for my heart.

His is a message that moves me in deep ways–ways God has already been preparing my heart to hear.

And I am changed.

I stand in the line to meet Bob with his balloon-clad book in hand.

And he oozes the love of Jesus when I meet him.

There are no handshakes with Bob. No way!

With Bob there are only hugs.

There are only eyes locked, intent listening, and words of life-filled encouragement offered…

Get to know Jesus.

Watch what He did, what He said, and where He went.

See who He loved and how He loved.

Stop bible-studying and begin bible-doing.

Do just the next thing. One small step at a time.

Do love. And then watch what God does, and where He leads.

Pay attention to the doors He opens.

Pick those, and just do it again. And again. And again.

And get ready for God to blow your mind!

Forever I will remember the Sharpie-words he writes in my book with his very own hand…

“What a treat to SEE you. Love God. Love people. Do stuff.”

Do stuff. Because LOVE DOES.

I went to church this morning.

I heard Bob Goff.

And I will never be the same.

When is the last time you let your love do stuff?

What happened?

*Linking with Michelle, Laura, Ann, and Jennifer

Filed Under: Character, Community, Compassion, Faith, God's Love, God's Mercy & Grace, Relationships Tagged With: character, growth, love, realness, Romans

To Risk is to Be Brave

May 3, 2013 by Jacque 12 Comments

To risk is to be brave. Because there is no bravery without risk.

I recently completed the Strengthsfinder assessment for the second time. It was for a leadership class I’m in, and to my amazement my results were almost exactly the same as four years ago.

I’m a communicator and a relator, someone who likes harmony, who individualizes her interactions with others, and loves to achieve with lots of responsibility and dependability thrown in for good measure.

Basically, I live for relationships. Nothing feeds me more than to connect and relate with others. But never in a superficial way.

I want to connect deeply. To see, and be seen. To know, and be known.

No matter who I’m with or what setting I’m in, this pursuit of relationship is my main goal. And that’s why I think relationships are so risky for me, because most of the time, I care too much. I can read into things. I can over analyze what is said. And I can beat myself up for saying or doing or being the wrong way.

I’ve found the degree to which I care, is usually the degree to which a beautiful relationship emerges, one that’s open and honest, real and satisfying. But I’ve also discovered, the degree to which I care, is also the degree to which pain pierces my heart when rejection comes.

To be brave is to risk.

To risk having and holding something of beauty,

Or to risk a hurting heart, one wounded by the sting of rejection.

Pursuing relationship is always a risk. One only for the brave.

And I imagine some might say, is it worth the risk? Is the beauty worth the risk of the pain?

And I say yes. Yes. YES.

Without risk, without the bravery of transparency and vulnerability, one thing is sure: there will never be beauty and there also will be no pain, because there will be no relationship at all.

To risk is to be brave. There is no bravery without risk. And there is no courage in the absence of fear.

I’ve done my fair share of risking in relationships, and I’ve had my fair share of the sting of rejection.

That time I asked her to be my blogging mentor and she said no.

That time I sent that email in that I-don’t-know-what-got-a-hold-of-me-moment, telling her how I’d love to be considered to write.

That time I went to that dinner party, not knowing one other person there. How I stood around all awkward, trying to interact but sticking out as the biggest loner there.

Rejection is bound to happen. Pain is an inevitable part of life.

But I’d rather be brave, take the risk, and put myself out there.

I’d rather be scared and push past my fear with courage and bravery, and pursue connection anyway.

Because it’s only with a brave risk, that the beauty of relationship will be realized.

And I don’t know about you, but that beauty is what I want.

When have you taken a risk and pursued a relationship?

How brave did you feel in that moment?

Brave…

Filed Under: Authenticity, Character, Community, Faith, Five Minute Friday, Friendship, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: friendship, intimacy, realness

Because God Knows Just What We Need :: (in)RL 2013

April 28, 2013 by Jacque 24 Comments

God always knows just what we need and He orchestrates everything to be beautiful in His time.

I’m a relator and a communicator and there are few things I love more than to connect with others.

I believe in community, and connection, and the powerful beauty that blooms when two hearts are seen by one another.

I believe in the risk of relationship, and in choosing to look past the superficiality of a moment, to the authentic realness of another.

So you can imagine how thrilled I was, as I prepared to host my second (in)RL conference with my sweet friend Denise–a conference connecting women in real life, right where they are, sponsored by Dayspring’s (in)courage.

I was so surprised. Unlike last year, women actually signed up! Women who were strangers to me, who wanted to come meet together in real life. And eventually there was fourteen in all. Fourteen! Now I know that doesn’t sound like a lot to you, but compared to zero ahead-of-time RSVP’s last year, let’s just say I was Oh. SO. excited!

But then … three days before the conference, it began. One woman after another wrote to say they wouldn’t be able to come after all, sending her wishes for a wonderful time.

My heart sank.

Was it me?

Was something wrong?

Were they afraid?

Why couldn’t they come?

For three days before the conference, the messages continued, with the last two messages chiming in early Saturday morning. Denise and I were down from fourteen to just three.

The crazy thing was, for the past months I’d been praying God would send just the right women to our in-real-life meet-up.

I asked Him to open doors for connection and to provide opportunities to love on broken hearts … hearts broken by community, by life’s circumstances or by even by past failure.

And wow! That balmy California afternoon, God answered my prayers! The three women came, bringing their smiles, chocolate brownies, and gorgeous pink tulips.

Denise and I had the most splendid time loving them and listening to them … with them loving and listening to us in return.

The moving (in)RL keynote kept us all nodding our heads and moaning our mmmm’s after each woman shared…

How to stay, even when you’ve been hurt.

How to stay through sickness, loss and sadness.

How to stay through life’s transitions.

How to stay when you don’t have time,

And how to stay because it’s the right thing to do.

Oh how the words of the (in)courage women resonated with each one of us, serving up nuggets of truth that fed us right there.

We stayed and talked around the kitchen. And as we casually loaded our plates, and plopped onto the bar stools at the counter, the transparency of the women on that video set the precedent to inspire our sharing with one other.

You see, it wasn’t just about being brave enough to show up at a stranger’s house and risk interaction (in)RL.

It wasn’t just about drinking iced tea and eating baked potatoes with loads of toppings and strawberry spinach salad on the side.

No.

It was about the real me, seeing the real you, and connecting with one another because of the Jesus in us both. [Tweet that]

It was about our stories, and pure transparency, and us bonding in our brokenness.

It was about staying even now, here, in real life.

We were strangers. Yes. But we were sisters in Christ too.

We were sisters sharing who we really are, where we’ve really been, and who we are becoming in Him.

Sisters in Christ sharing all the ways we’ve been broken…

By divorce, or a move across the country,

By surviving cancer, or being bedridden and housebound for a year,

By loving an unbelieving spouse, or by trials in the workplace,

By the death of an adult daughter and the months of drowning in deep grief…

Broken, yet mended by Him.

We discovered in our short time together, the countless obstacles we face which threaten to kill our joy. And one of the ladies shared the way she stayed afloat, instead of drowning, after the death of her adult daughter just two years ago … she counted one thousand gifts and beyond. And counting and naming gifts had changed it all.

The day after our gathering she sent me a picture of her journal, with us as new friends being right there amidst the counting. What a gift!

God knew just what we all needed (in)RL that Saturday afternoon.

God knew as we came together, there would be much bonding through brokenness, and that is a gift of pure beauty from Him. [Tweet that]

It was a gift of connection…

A gift of opening our hearts to one another and seeing each other not as we are, but as who we can be in Him.

A gift of authenticity and friendship beginning (in)RL.

New journeys starting, and new thoughts of how to stay were taking hold, with much grace offered to our own hearts along the way.

Small really is the new big, and I’m so thankful for how God orchestrated it all. For how He knew just what we needed and how our hearts were touched and changed.

The hours seemed to fly, and when it was time to go we squeezed one another and left giving thanks for our (in)RL time together … a time we all needed .. a time leaving us with hope…

Hope to risk more,

To build bridges more,

To die to self more,

And to stay, even when it would be easier to run.

Thank you Lisa-Jo Baker for your God-sized dream, realized (in)RL, and for all the wonderful people at Dayspring’s (in)courage who made (in)RL possible. What a gift you all are, not only to me, but to thousands of women!

Now I am blessed with three new friendships (in)RL, having bonded through the beauty of our brokenness and through the goodness of the mending we are finding in Him.

God is so good.

Has brokenness ever bonded you with someone?

How has friendship been a gift in your life?

To purchase the (in)RL 2013 DVD – The Challenge to Stay in Community click here

Enter code INRL2013 for 25% off

To read about all the (in)RL meet ups around the world,

visit (in)courage by clicking here

*This post contains affiliate links.

Filed Under: (in)RL, Adversity, Brokenness, Community, Divorce, Faith, Friendship, Grief & Suffering, Relationships Tagged With: connection, friendship, realness

Mended :: To Shine Hope to the Broken {Week 10}

April 24, 2013 by Jacque 7 Comments

I’ll never forget him, broken, and in need of being mended.

He was 35 years old and going blind. His diabetes was out of control, but he didn’t care.

His wife had tried for years to get him frequent a doctor. He refused.

Even after they had explained the risk of further complications … heart disease, complete blindness, kidney failure, neuropathy, and amputation. He still didn’t care.

He wanted to live life his way, even if he walked around broken.

Even if it meant His life was less optimal or that he died early.

He wasn’t interested in being mended.

I am a blessed woman to be a nurse … to have a job I love and be counted among a profession known for empathy, care and understanding.

Nurses are on the front lines in most situations … to nurture the sick, care for the injured, and help mend the broken, both in body and in spirit.

They hold the hand of the dying,

And hold the hearts of their families who grieve.

They change and bathe the dirty,

Give medicine to the sick,

And believe in their ability to be healed.

It is the broken we care for … the ones who need to be mended. But care can only be given when the broken come to receive it … when they recognize their problem and admit that their only chance for wholeness is to submit to the healing process.

But not everyone wants to be healed.

The broken have to be willing to submit to the healing plan crafted for them by their physician.

And you know what?

God is our great physician. He has crafted a plan and is waiting for our broken hearts to come to Him … to surrender to His care and be willing to trust Him.

To be willing to go through the pain and sacrifice He requires in order to emerge mended.

Sometimes the wound has to be opened and cleaned.

Sometimes the break has to be re-broken and set.

Sometimes the medication is in need of a change.

Sometimes there’s infection to treat,

Or hours of physical therapy, for muscles which have atrophied over time.

As He mends, He gently glues each broken piece in place. It can be such a tedious process to become whole. But in His time, God always brings a wholeness that shines His love through the healed cracks for all the world to see.

Nothing delights Him more than to mend His people and make them whole.

“You rejoice over us. You take the pieces we have long forgotten–even the ones that have cut us deeply. And you lovingly place them one on another until all we know is that You are the builder and we are yours … the light that breaks through the shards of brokenness and makes the world bright with promise. The glimpse of forever that whispers gently … I have mended you, love.” ~Angie Smith, Mended

When the process is finished enough, He wants us to go and tell of His mending.

He wants us to share in the work He is doing in the world already, right where we are. And as we spend time with Him and listen to His voice, He will be faithful to make known to us, the ways He can use our mended hearts for Him.

We are mended to shine hope to the broken. [Tweet that]

And what is our charge? … As those who have been mended by the great love and mercy of God?

Angie Smith says it so well…

“Now go and tell the story of a love so beautiful,

that it broke in order for you to be rebuilt.”

[Tweet that]

May our increasing wholeness in Him, scream of His love to a dying and broken world. And may we always give Him much thanks for being mended.

Have you known anyone who refuses to be healed?

Over these weeks, how has your heart been mended?

As we conclude our journey in Angie’s book, Mended,

don’t forget to visit Tracie and Denise today for their concluding thoughts…

What a blessed journey we’ve had in being mended!

Photo Credit: dixieroadrash, Flickr Creative Commons

Filed Under: (In)couragers, Adversity, Brokenness, Community, Faith, Mended, Relationships Tagged With: growth, realness, thanks

To Speak is to Jump

April 19, 2013 by Jacque 13 Comments

I spoke to a group of women last night. Women who were lovely and warm and welcoming. And yet, no matter their warmth, I won’t lie, I was nervous. Not because I was afraid to share, but because of my longing for God to meet those who were there in a way they otherwise wouldn’t have met Him.

I want my words to make a difference, for lives to be changed, and because only God can do the work in their hearts, I find speaking to be a vulnerable activity of surrender … like I’m standing on a bridge overlooking a deep gorge … and with that first word out of my mouth, I jump.

I jump into transparency and truth.

The truth of where I’ve been and what I’ve done … what I’ve learned and the reality of all God has done, and is doing, in my life. Not because of me, but because of His great mercy. I free fall and I am not in control of the outcome.

It’s my job to jump. It’s His job to decide where we land as a result.

I’ve heard many speakers over the years, and for me, the ones I remember are the ones who jump–the ones who give a part of themselves when they speak. Those who offer a piece of their hearts, take a risk, and for the benefit of His name, share their struggles and failures, joys and sorrows, and how God made beauty from it all.

Because I need hope. As a person in the audience I’m grasping to find a part of me in what they share. I’m longing to know I’m not alone–know there is hope for even me, wherever I am.

And so, when I speak, I seek to just jump.

To give my words as an offering, laid up on an altar for God to use as He sees fit. Prepared, and presented … put down, and poured out for Him.

And it is my prayer that as I share, His love will be magnified, and He will be glorified in me.

Last night, I spoke. And I jumped. And may God use what I offered as He may.

I surrender it, and it is no longer mine.

Who have you heard speak who inspired you?

What did they say?

I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to take five minutes and just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write for 5 10 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing, with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:

Jump…

*Photo Credit: blt04, Flickr Creative Commons

Filed Under: Community, Discipleship, Faith, Five Minute Friday, Leadership, Relationships Tagged With: realness

Mended :: When You Need to Remember God Loves You {Week 7}

April 4, 2013 by Jacque 4 Comments

Sometimes we’re mended little by little as we stop and choose to see all the ways He loves.

I awake to kids arguing and yelling … punching actually. And as I investigate why this is happening, it becomes no surprise why punches were thrown. At seven and eight years old, April Fool’s Day is a new and exciting excuse to do practical jokes one may not have otherwise attempted at all. And it turns out, no one, including me, thinks this one’s funny.

As I approach the feuding duo, I almost don’t want to ask what possibly could have happened to escalate things to this point. But being the fair adjudicating mother I am, on top of the irritation at such a rude awakening, I decide it best to proceed with the interrogation.

It seems son A has put son B’s most prized stuffed-animal possession in the toilet and then proceeded to place its wet limpy body onto his bed. Son B has not only returned the favor by saturating son A’s most prized animal possession, but in addition, has also put it at THE bottom of the trashcan under last night’s dinner trash for Son B to dig out at his own risk. Son B minces words with Son A, one pushes, the other hits, and finally comes the scream that wakes me straight up in bed.

So … after an hour of cleaning up the toilet-water-soaked friends and sanitizing the various drippage of toilet water around the house (a privileged activity for which I know you’re jealous) I call a family meeting. I subsequently banish and outlaw all April Fool’s Day jokes, and we finally begin our day.

After all that cleaning and scouring we are behind. And silly me, for thinking immediate obedience can now happen … Silly me for dreaming this day could now proceed smoothly.

There’s complaining about the cursive copywork, antsy energy at the table, and yawns and groans through Bible.

And let’s just say, I open my mouth way too fast and fail to model the fruit of the Spirit that should be evident in me. One minute I’m explaining about idol worship and the next minute I’m bowing down to my own idol … my covetous desire for something better, for something more. I long for a new role that makes me feel amazing.

Motherhood is sometimes dark. Maybe you can relate?

I do what I do not want to do, and don’t do what I do want to do. Wow can I relate to Paul!

I’m held captive by my own naysaying voice, scolding myself inside, and crippling who I can be in Christ.

Then because of my guilt and shame, I vacillate as fast as a fan turns on a hot day. I go one direction then another, faster than either one can satisfy … believing in one moment I’m enough, and in the very next, wondering why I was even tempted to believe I could ever be enough at all.

I live in the shadow of the brokenness, caused by all my doubt.

I shatter my own hope that I can do this–that I can be for them who they need me to be.

I mock my own effort of reflecting Him to their little lives.

How can they see Him when they see the haste and short-tempered moments in me? What a joke I am!

And there-in begins my spiral downward, and it’s not even 10am.

In the dark, life begins. And in the dark, life comes forth … It is in the dark we begin to grow. ←Click to Tweet

“Despicable as the shadows may be, they hold the promise of the Master’s voice. Worry not about tomorrow, wondering if the sun will come again. It will, as it always does, in some sense or another. In the meantime, raise your voice to the One Who loves you. He loves you.” ~Angie Smith

I meet a friend for a short hour together yesterday while the kids are at a community sports class.

I come carrying the weight of all I’m not and all I wish I’d be. Not only in mothering but as a nurse, a writer, and a friend. I’m discouraged and not sure I’m cut out for all these roles. I’m sensing I’m in over my head.

But the sun shines and spring has begun even though I feel in the dark. And as I wait for her to come outside, it’s then that I look down and see them. I see daisies in the sun.

They’re nothing extraordinary, but more than ordinary at the same time. They stand tall, glimmering and shining in the sun. The full blooms are open and there are buds with blooms to come, all of them sitting on a carpet of green.

And right there I see Him. I see what He makes, and I sense Him impressing a message on my heart…

“It’s beauty, all beauty. Will you trust me to make beauty in you?”

Winter always comes before spring. It’s cold and damp and then there’s the pruning–dying down to almost nothing. And then … in His time, comes the beauty–this beauty whose potential is there all along but just can’t be seen.

In the seemingly dark and doubting ordinary-daily moments, what will my choice be?

Will I trust Him with it all?

Will I believe I am able to be mended by Him?

That He is even doing so little by little as I take the time to really open my eyes and see the ways He loves me … even if it is through seeing daisies in the sun?

“In a world overrun with choices, He is our choice. Give in to grief or trust Him? Doubt or obey? Escape into the choices or cling to only God?…He gave Himself. There’s no time to wonder about what else He could have given you. Every bit of it is irrelevant in light of HIm. Live a life that loves Him back. Choose well. He is enough.” ~Angie Smith

Remember, even in your dark moments, He loves you,

And choose well.

Because for me and for you … for yesterday, today, and for every day … He. IS. enough.

What dark moment are you facing today?

What do you see that reminds you of His love?

Here’s the schedule for the coming weeks…

April 4 – Chapters 20-22 :: Jacque

April 11 – Chapters 23-25 :: Denise

April 18 – Chapters 26-28 :: Tracie

April 25 – Chapters 29-31 :: Concluding Thoughts

*Linking with Jennifer and Ann and Denise and their beautiful communities…

Filed Under: (In)couragers, Adversity, Brokenness, Character, Community, God's Love, Gratitude, Hope, Mended, Motherhood, Relationships Tagged With: love, mended, motherhood, realness, thanks

Mended :: For When You Wonder if You Can Be Forgiven {Week 5}

March 21, 2013 by Jacque 4 Comments

There was a time in my life when I honestly wondered if I could be forgiven … if I was worthy to be near God or near the cross at all.

And in the most dark and isolating moments of it all, I feared God would stop loving me.

For years I told others all about His love. But when I blew it and messed up so badly, I doubted it applied to me. What I did was so wrong. And everyone told me so. And I knew better, yet made those choices anyway.

Part of the reason I doubted His love was my inaccurate view of Him and an inferior knowledge of His Word. I bought into the concept of gradations of sin–severities and levels of disobedience. And I failed to see what is actually true.

Sin is sin to God. No matter what it is. And we have all failed Him.

No matter what the sin,

No matter by accident,

Or by willful choice,

Sin grieves God’s heart.

But the amazing thing is, He loves us anyway.

He. Loves. Us.

No matter where we’ve been, what we’ve done, or what’s been done to us,

the love of God never wavers.

It is constant and unending, vast, and measureless, and strong.

Stronger than our doubt.

Bigger than our shame.

Wider than the guilt.

And able to meet us in our regret.

It took years for me to absorb these truths about God.

And if it hadn’t been for my failure, I sadly suspect I may never have grasped the depths of His love.

Failure is never final because of Him.

Because of His love He longs for us in an unrelenting pursuit of our hearts. But we have to say yes. We have to surrender.

And for a period of time I allowed my failure to keep me from the cross. It’s as if my guilt and shame were the canyon blocking access to Him, telling me I didn’t deserve to be loved, and mocking me for even thinking what I’d done should even be forgiven.

I didn’t approach God partly because I was afraid of being rejected by Him. But mostly because I was afraid what He would ask of me if I surrendered my whole heart to Him.

Because here’s the thing about surrender, it’s all or nothing. ←Click to Tweet

Surrender requires vulnerability … to cease our resistance, to give up, let go, stop the control, and end the striving … the striving of doing things our own way and in turn submit to His.

To come bare and broken and willing to give it all to God … this is surrender.

And when I finally hit my lowest place, I chose Him. I surrendered.

And I am living proof that there is nothing, NOTHING, that our God can not redeem.

“The Lord loves you, and He longs for you to have wholeness in Him…in return for your mistakes, He bleeds mercy. In the place of wounds He give you this gift … be mended.”

~Angie Smith, Mended

So today, as we consider our failures,

All the internal voices yelling we’re not enough,

And the inside dialogue that keeps us from surrendering,

May I whisper a message to your heart today … to your heart that wonders if you’re enough? The one that mocks you that you would even consider you’re worth anything to God?

Oh friend, you are enough. He. says. you. are.

And He longs for you to be vulnerable with Him–to trust Him to make good out of your mess.

“So today, no matter how many times you’ve denied Him in word or action. No matter how far from the cross you feel. Come to Him immediately. Bring your sin, your shame, your past failures and know that by trusting in Him, His perfection, His death and resurrection, you will marvel at what He can do.”

~Angie Smith, Mended

He promises to take your mess, no matter how big or how small, add His mercy, and make it beautiful, somehow. And I can tell you He will. Because I know.

Will you dare to believe and trust He can?

Will you be all in, come immediately, and take the risk?

I’m praying you will friend, I’m praying you will.

What has made you feel unworthy of God’s love?

Will you share about how you surrendered to God?

How did He make your mess into beauty?

To view the video of “I Surrender All”, Click HERE

Here’s the schedule for the coming weeks…

March 28 - Chapters 17-19 :: Tracie

April 4 - Chapters 20-22 :: Jacque

April 11 - Chapters 23-25 :: Denise

April 18 - Chapters 26-28 :: Tracie

April 25 - Chapters 29-31 :: Concluding Thoughts

Filed Under: Brokenness, Community, Failure, Faith, God's Love, God's Mercy & Grace, Guilt & Shame, Mended, Relationships Tagged With: brokenness, failing, forgiveness, mended, realness

Experiencing Joy

March 19, 2013 by Jacque 4 Comments

The times in life when I experience the most joy, are the times I sense God’s pleasure.

The times I’m close to Him, reading His Word, journaling my thoughts, and sharing with Him my heart.

The times He multiplies my efforts as a mom, filling in the gaps where I lack, and showing me there’s hope anyway.

The times I write my heart on pages, and my fingers tap out something that speaks more to me than anyone else, as if I needed to teach my own heart the truth first, without realizing it at all.

And lately, joy has come in facing the fear and dreaming God-sized dreams … in praying and longing for God to use me to help others find mercy and know His grace. It’s joy as I pray to be used by Him in ways far beyond anything I could dream or imagine … praying to sense His pleasure even there.

And you know what?

He’s doing it. He is bringing opportunities for me to be used by Him, and as I walk through the doors that open, I’m feeling His pleasure, and I am experiencing joy.

And in particular, today is one of those days.

Several weeks ago I was asked to speak at an online conference called A Woman Inspired. .. a conference where women come together wherever they are, log in for free, hear amazing encouragement from speakers and interact in an online community.

And the conference begins today, March 20th, and continues through Friday March 22nd.

I think you would really love to gather there and be encouraged in your faith. And the best part, there’s no cost! You can call in from a phone to hear the sessions, or log in from your computer wherever you are. All you have to do is register, so that you have access to the link required to log in.

And, if you’re not available during the live sessions, the mp3’s and downloadable and printable notes will be available to all registrants. So you can’t lose either way.

It’s FREE encouragement for the end of your week, and I think you’ll be so glad you registered!

And if I may humbly ask one thing?

Would you mind saying a prayer for me as I speak today, and for the hearts of the women as they will listen? That they would really know how very much God loves them and how He really can redeem all things. Perhaps you’d consider typing a small prayer out in the comments? Either way, I’d be so very thankful.

I’ll be speaking today at 10am PST. You can read the synopsis of my talk below, and click on the link to register too.

And if you listen in, let me know how you liked the conference … you can contact me anytime … I’d love to connect with you!

So what do ya say? Won’t you join me there?

Expectations that Bury: Steps for Digging Your Way Out

Do you find your heart buried with the weight of not being enough? Have you set expectations for your life, only to become frustrated and disappointed when they aren’t being met? Perhaps you’ve been hurt by life’s circumstances or struggled with personal failure, leaving you disillusioned by the life you’re now living … one you never expected at all. Join Jacque as she exposes the expectations that bury us, and some steps we can take to dig our way out and into the freedom and joy God intends for us all.

Click HERE to register for A Woman Inspired, Online Conference