paid it all Archives - Jacque Watkins

For When It Is a Challenge to Love

June 13, 2012 by Jacque 12 Comments

I wear it hoping that it will become true of me … LOVE Jn 13:35.

That somehow the feel of it around my neck will make me mindful and aware.

That the clanking of the pearl against the metal will help me remember.

And it isn’t even 10am and I glance over to see one child hitting another and the other fighting back. Have I been such a poor model that their instinctual reaction is to just cave to anger and go with their flesh? Did it not matter? The words from Matthew 5 that they’ve hidden in their hearts over these weeks, the words we’ve been learning together?

And the crazy thing is, when I ask, they can recite them. They haven’t forgotten…

Blessed are the peacemakers…

Blessed are you when others revile you…

…everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment…

Yet though they can say the words, it’s obvious they haven’t sunk in–haven’t soaked the soil of their hearts.

And my choice is right here before me, because their actions beg for correction.

And it’s the biggest test of all when no one is watching. When it’s just me and them—these children who are part of me, who’ve inherited more than just skin and flesh.

And inside, my heart sinks, and I feel defeat because their actions remind me how I fail too. Even the chain around my neck doesn’t prevent my failure.

It is my daily battle to love.

I bend to eye level and we discuss their fight. They know they were wrong and hang their heads as I talk, and their eyes show me they’ve heard it before, that they already know.

I explain and teach how it’s not natural to return kindness when wronged, not easy to be slow to anger, not instinctual to just love.

But He has called us to love. When we deserved death, He died in our place. And when we were unlovable, He loved us first.

This. This is the daily hill I climb…

To administer justice with wisdom.

To provide instruction with kindness.

To give grace in the right moments and extend mercy too.

And most of all, in the midst of it all, to love as He loves.

John 13:35 (ESV)

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

I’ve been given these mama moments to practice loving. And oh how many chances I have every single day! Times to practice cultivating a love like His … a love that will mark me as His.

Oh how I want to grow. To seize my flesh, to halt my nature, to pause and consider and love instead. Because I want to be known as His disciple, and I want my children to be known as His disciples too.

May this chain I wear remind me to what I am called. To love.

To simply love one another.

And because of that, to be known as His.

John 15:12 (ESV)

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

In which circumstance are you most challenged to love?

How do you overcome?

**Linking with Denise in Bloom, Women Living Well, Grace at Home, Thought Provoking Thursday

Filed Under: Character, Discipleship, Family, Motherhood Tagged With: character, failing, grace, growth, John, love, Matthew, paid it all

All Has Been Accomplished! The New Covenant Has Come :: Sermon on the Mount {Week 8}

May 30, 2012 by Jacque 8 Comments

As a junior in college I almost failed my Cell & Molecular Biology Lab. We were learning about histology and the assignment was to make slides of different types of tissue. But the problem was in order to make slides, the tissue had to be fresh. And you should have seen our faces when the Professor entered the lab carrying a cage with two big rats inside! He plopped it on the black table along with two pot-holder-type mitts and a guillotine, leaving us to slaughter the rats and harvest the tissue all by ourselves. And if it hadn’t been for the deal we made with the guys in the class, I would have certainly failed.

I’m not so good at blood and guts, at least when it comes to killing things. I can handle the sight when it involves saving a life or helping someone, but to slaughter an animal to kill it, I’m no good.

So it’s a good thing I wasn’t a Levite in the days of Moses and Joshua, because I would have failed at that too.

You see, back then, the Levites were responsible for all the law-keeping. And God made a covenant with the Israelites that was packed full of requirements—things the people had to do to be in right relationship with God. There were over 600 laws they had to keep, many of which involved sacrificing animals.

I know, it sounds gross … I would agree! But it’s important for us to understand why God had them do it so we can fully appreciate His entire plan.

Back in Genesis, when Adam and Eve sinned, man died spiritually and separated himself from a direct relationship with God. But God didn’t give up, He initiated a plan and decided to pursue one group of people, the Israelites, and make them His own. And it is through them, He wanted to bless all the people of the world.

The problem was His people were lame! They struggled to obey God and follow the laws of the covenant (which wasn’t surprising because there were so many) but honestly they blew it on some of the most simple points!

They would follow the law for awhile and then they’d get lax and worship other gods. And they vascillated in their faithfulness for years. So God sent prophets like Isaiah and Jeremiah (and many others) to prophesy about the future–to warn the Israelites of what would happen to them if they didn’t turn from their evil ways. But over time, they refused to listen.

So the people’s disobedience made them guilty in the sight of God. And that guilt just remained and couldn’t be removed. So God set up a means to teach the Israelites about the importance of obedience by having them sacrifice an animal, one which was free of defect–one that represented something pure and innocent – exactly what God wanted them to be.

And even though it was the people who deserved punishment for their sin, they sacrificed an innocent animal on their own behalf, which provided a means for the forgiveness of their sin. The blood of the animal didn’t remove their guilt, but covered it, and served as a symbol setting the stage for the moment in time when God would provide the final sacrifice—the one whose blood would permanently cover our sin once and for all time … His Son, Jesus.

And Jesus came. And in Matthew 5, as He sat on that mountain, He told His disciples…

Matthew 5:17-18 (ESV)

Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets. I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly I say to you, unless heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot shall pass from the law until all is accomplished.

And you know what?

He did it. He accomplished it all.

Jesus verified and fulfilled the Law and the Prophets. And as followers of Christ today, we’ve been released from the Law of the Old Covenant.

And a New Covenant has come–a covenant of the Spirit of life, not of the law of the flesh.

Jesus came to write His law on the tablets of our human hearts–on our spirits, instead of on tablets of stone (like the ones on which Moses wrote the law). And this is good news … we no longer have to sacrifice animals in order to have a right relationship with God!

Because of God’s great love for us, because of the sacrifice of Christ on the Cross, because of His resurrection and His judgment which destroyed the temple … because Jesus did all He said He would do, when He said He would…

A New Covenant has come.

We have eternal life.

We are free.

No longer are we clothed through the process of obeying the letter of the law. Instead, we stand clothed in the righteousness of Christ, forever reconciled with God, because through Christ, all has been accomplished.

And as a challenged-animal-sacrificer, I’m so thankful for that!

How has the accomplishment of Christ changed you?

From what have you been set free?

Continuing on in memorizing the Sermon on the Mount, with Ann and this community. Join us?

This week on to Matthew 5:19-20 (ESV)…

{WEEK 9}

Matthew 5:19-20 (ESV)

Therefore, whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

t w r o o t l o t c a t o t d t s w b c l i t k o h b w d t a t t w b c g i t k o h f i t y u y r e t o t s a p y w n e t k o h

Other posts in this series:

~Memorizing the Sermon on the Mount

~For When You Want to Know How to Really Teach {Week 1}

~For When You Need to Quit Performing to Earn God’s Love and Blessing {Week 2}

~When You Long to be Satisfied and Supremely Happy {Week 3}

~For When Memorizing is Intimidating and Change is a Challenge {Week 4}

~For When You Don’t Fit in and You’re Not Feeling Accepted {Week 5}

~Because You Are Meant to BE the Flavor {Week 6}

~We ARE the Light of the World {Week 7}

Continuing on, in the counting of One Thousand Gifts {#1446-1465} with Ann and this community, and the Joy Dare of 2012…with May’s printable.

#1446 Children running and playing on a warm evening

#1447 Breathtaking clouds in the sky

#1448 A Friday afternoon run with the wind and the view

#1449 Online friends who mean so much to me

#1450 A job I love that is so meaningful to me

#1451 The near-end of my first homeschooling year

#1452 A brave 4 yr old who got her “fighter-warriors” (vaccinations) for school

#1453 Beginning to teach my youngest to read

#1454 Evening little league games with family

#1455 Help with laundry

#1456 Having a mentor

#1457 An answer to an earnest prayer

#1458 My good morning girls emails

#1459 Reading my Bible every day…today #650 and counting…

#1460 The anticipation of She Speaks

#1461 Chewing on the Sermon on the Mount every day

#1462 Reciting with my 2nd & 4th grader…us all memorizing together

#1463 Podcasts helping me know lemonade and that I’m not going “nuts”

#1464 The gift of eternal life and the fact that all is accomplished

#1465 How I’m clothed by the righteousness of Christ, by His Grace…because Mercy Found Me…

Linking with:

*Photo Credit: Nottingham Vet School, flickr creative commons

Filed Under: Bible Memorization, Faith, Gratitude, Inspirational, One Thousand Gifts, Sermon on the Mount Tagged With: grateful, hope, Matthew, One Thousand Gifts, paid it all, thanks

For When You Need to Feel the Dirt to Appreciate Being Clean

April 12, 2012 by Jacque 13 Comments

I can’t remember the last time I actually planted things in the dirt. And in general, I have an aversion to dirt. Just ask my kids. I’m a recovering don’t-get-your-hands-dirty kind of mom. They know. And what can I say? Except that I’m changing, and I am trying. I’ve lightened up over the years, that’s for sure. And now, you should be proud of me, I’m even beginning to befriend the dirt.

A couple of weekends ago, I went with my husband to pick out plants for our backyard. And because I love flowers, there’s nothing I wanted more than the beauty of them in my yard. I want flowers I can look at, flowers I can put in vases, and flowers that smell good too. So we trekked over to the wholesale nursery and selected all the plants.

And you would be so proud of me, because I helped plant them! Yes … I got dirty. I had dirt under every single fingernail, my shoes were muddy, and my shirt was smudged. I sat in the dirt, knelt in the dirt, and touched more dirt than I have in a long time. And in fact, I think you could say that me and the dirt … well … we bonded.

And I’ve heard people say that gardening is so therapeutic, but inside I was always a doubter–a dirt-snob. I couldn’t imagine why they possibly liked gardening. I mean pulling weeds and purging plants of their dead pieces, watering, fertilizing, and Miracle-growing everything … well, let’s just say it was never my thing.

But you know what? I think my day with the dirt is changing me. For some reason, working in the dirt offered me time. I could feel the sun on my back and the fresh air all around, and my mind had space to ponder and think—space that’s usually crowded out by the chaos of my life.

But instead of the chaos, I had time.

Time to marvel at God’s creation. I experienced what He had made up close. I could touch it with my hands, and feel the textures between my fingers. I dug a holes for the plants with bound roots—roots that would unwind and grow deep into their new home. And as I did, I felt a part of my stressed heart unwind too.

I had time to acknowledge the life God gives, and the beauty He created. Each leaf and flower are His design, each unique in their own ways. And I found myself giving thanks to Him for His handiwork, for details I would have missed, had I not held them in my own hands.

I planted some bulbs and had time to reflect, how it’s the dark places that give birth to beauty. And it surprised me. And I’m not sure why, because I’ve lived it. I am living proof of how beauty can be born from the deepest and darkest places. That God is powerful to redeem and restore broken lives.

And after my time in the dirt, I had a greater appreciation for becoming clean again. And believe me, being clean is a wonderful feeling for a person like me, but I must say,

I appreciated the clean even more, because I had experienced the filthy dirt.

And I’m thinking it’s the same for our hearts.

It’s almost impossible to accept the grace God gives and the cleanliness He provides, if we don’t realize how dirt-stained we really are.

It’s hard to fully appreciate the mercy He offers, until we first come face to face with the overwhelming depravity of our hearts.

And I’m profoundly thankful to God for making a way for me to be clean. Thankful for how He washes up my dirty self and removes the stains completely … how he takes my dirt-stained heart and makes it white as snow.

And I’m thankful for the soap and water after gardening too. And actually, I think I’m going to need it more and more. Because I think the clean after the dirt is so much better than just the clean alone. And I’m pretty sure my kids will be happy to hear that!

Have you come face to face with the dirt of your heart?

Have you experienced the cleansing power of God’s mercy and grace?

How has the beauty of your life come from your darkest places?

Filed Under: Faith, Inspirational Tagged With: forgiveness, grace, growth, mercy, paid it all, thanks

Merry Christmas, Sweet Friends…

December 24, 2011 by Jacque Leave a Comment

On this eve before our anticipation and yearning is fulfilled…

May you know the joy of Him who came for you.

May you experience His overwhelming love.

May your heart be filled with peace,

because He has reconciled you to Himself.

May you remember this day and all year through…

That He came for you, and He has chosen you.

He has made the way.

And there is nothing…

Absolutely NOTHING that can separate you from His great love!

Isaiah 9:6 (NKJV)

For unto us a Child is born,

Unto us a Son is given;

And the government will be upon His shoulder.

And His name will be called

Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Merry Christmas sweet friends!

Filed Under: Devotional, Faith, Inspirational Tagged With: bible, forgiveness, friend, Isaiah, love, lovingkindness, mercy, paid it all

Connected {This Season and the Whole Year Through}

December 16, 2011 by Jacque 6 Comments

In this season of extravagance and celebration, in the bustling to buy and then the wrestling to wrap. Amidst it all, the real purpose of this season is to be connected. Connected to friends and family … nurturing the newness and repairing the broken. Connected to those you love most of all.

He made us for connection, and connection is the very reason He came–so we could be connected to a pure and Holy God who rules the world with justice and majesty and truth. He came to make a way that we could be connected and reconciled to Him–the Creator of the world … the God who always was and who always will be. He came with purpose and focus–God revealed in full flesh to come, and then to die, so that we might live.

John 1:3-4,12 (NASB)

All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men.

But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name.

And as we spend this holy season connected to one another as He meant for us to be, may we also make much room in our hearts for Him, preparing for the whole year through. That we may remain and abide in Him. That we may stay connected, not only in this season, but every single day of the year right through–connected to Him who came and then gave. Connected to Him whose lovingkindness never ends.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (NASB)

The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.

How do you stay connected to those you love during this season?

How do you stay connected to God?

I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to take five minutes and just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing, with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:

Connected…

Photo Credit: Pam Booher

Filed Under: Faith, Five Minute Friday, Inspirational Tagged With: connection, friend, intimacy, John, lamentations, lovingkindness, paid it all

We Have Hope in Failure {Because of Him}

November 16, 2011 by Jacque 7 Comments

I broke the speed limit yesterday. And last week I turned left when the sign said not to.

I omit details sometimes to make my point more convincing, and I justify my own desires by lying to myself that they are noble.

I throw internal pity-parties and temper-tantrums and dwell on how things aren’t going my way.

I am quick to anger and fast to speak, especially when it involves my four little people who are slow to obey.

I resent others who don’t care as passionately as I do, and yes, I must admit, I judge them way more than you can possibly know.

And with each passing year, I’m more and more aware how I fail… weekly, daily, hourly. And when faced with an awareness of my own depravity, I’m tempted to feel defeated…tempted to feel condemned…tempted to throw a whole new pity-party.

A bad attitude, all focused on self.

Oh how sinful I am.

And yet, as I discipline myself to read His words every day, I learn and relearn a new perspective–His perspective. I see His provision…the initiative He took to make a way for me to not be separated from Him, despite my failure.

It is by spending time in His Word, reading this message of His heart, that I learn I have hope in failure, because of Him.

We all fail. Every day. We could never do everything perfectly right, and our sin and failure separate us from God. But God did for us what we could not do on our own. He sent His Son to this earth in the likeness of sinful flesh, that through Him–through His death on the cross, we might be made righteous before God.

So instead of self-indulgent pity-parties, and self-absorbed perspectives, let’s fill our hearts with thanks, offering profound gratitude to Him for all He has done for us.

And today when we fail, let’s remember that we have hope in our failure, because of Him.

It is all Him, because He made a way.

Romans 8:3-4 (ESV)

For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

Has failure paralyzed you?

How have you found hope amidst your failure?

This week I am continuing to memorize Romans 8 within the context of this community…won’t you join us as we hide His Word in our hearts?

Filed Under: Bible Reading, Devotional, Faith, Inspirational Tagged With: bible, failing, forgiveness, grace, love, lovingkindness, mercy, paid it all, Romans, sin

Hope and Thanks

September 21, 2011 by Jacque 4 Comments

There I am, standing in the vastness of the auditorium, in the presence of thousands…my high-maintenance-morning-Starbucks drink in the cupholder…and the worship slowing…a pause, for us to all ponder and consider Him.

And my eyes catch the glimpse of the cross on the wall, illuminated from behind. And my mind flashes to the images of Him upon it. And I am humbled, and bowed low and in awe.

My eyes look to the row’s end, and then is when I see him. My oldest son serving. Him, far across the room, helping to serve part of Him…helping us remember ALL He has done. And in the beholding of that, the tears come fast and furious, a flow of profound thanks from within.

It is Him who had given me the gift of him, that December…my very first baby, my perfect Christmas gift…this oldest son who began my mama journey…and now him serving…{sigh}…and I am indescribably full and overwhelmed with the goodness of Him.

And with the beautiful piano music playing, and the trays passing…it is all done in this moment to consider Him…

To consider the cost,

The laying of it all down.

The surrender of His authority,

Of His place of power,

Of His rights and desire…

Philippians 2:6-8 (NASB)

Although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

And He did all this for me…because of His GREAT love for me…that I might find HOPE in HIM.

And I sit quietly, amidst the crowd, riding the waves of joy and hope within.

And oh how I have needed this grace and mercy in my life…and how I need it still.

And it is, everytime we do this in remembrance of Him, how I really know and remember how very much I have needed this in my life. My sin ever before me…yet I’m forgiven and free…And because of my great need, and because of Him who meets me, I am so very moved. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

How can I possibly repay that debt?

What words can I mumble in this quiet solitary moment?

What can I do to show Him the depths of my gratitude?

To thank Him for the hope He gives?

He took the punishment that I deserved, and He ransomed me, an underserved pardon…

And I don’t deserve this. There are no words.

And yet is it words He longs to hear from me? Is it words He would desire?

Isn’t it instead, the innner transformation of my heart,

The propeling of my soul toward intimacy with Him,

The incessant pursuit of abiding, that He’s after?

Yes. It is…

Me bearing fruit and loving others as myself…

Learning of Him and following His example…

To extend His grace and mercy,

To love as He loves,

To give as He gives,

To serve as He served,

To become the blessing to those who need His hope…

And in all this is the honoring of the pardon. The cherishing of the ransom… Walking each day in this new life He’s given. My life longing to bring glory to Him and all He has done for me.

And I take the bread, and the cup, and I pause.

Me in awe and undone and overwhelmed by the grace I have so needed and have humbly received, and the hope He brings.

And I give thanks with my whole heart. This mercy and grace so undeserved. And a life of thanks the least I can give. To look for the blessings in each moment, and to search for ways to bless someone else. To become the blessing and the extension of His grace and mercy in a moment…so many moments…so much hope, and so much to give thanks for…

And my prayer, that you may know Him who has pardoned and ransomed you, and that as you give thanks, you may become His blessing to others, sharing the hope that is within you.

And the gifts I’m still counting…