A Letter to You, For When You’re Weary

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A Letter to You, For When You're Weary, Dear Weary Mom IMG_6854b

Dear weary mom,

I see you. And I’ve been you. Weary, drooping, and exasperated, like week-old tulip petals trying to hang on. Fading and withering, more and more … until weak, and all used-up, and falling right down.

am you. And I know.

I see the messes you face over and over again.

The Cheerios appearing on the floor without fail, every single morning.
The dishes piling one on top of another … because the dishwasher’s already clean and there isn’t even one moment to unload it.
The toys regenerating and scattered throughout the house.
The crayon marks and drops of watermelon juice smeared all over the floor, which you only notice after stepping there.
The shoe closet littered with empty water bottles, because those boys discarded them in a rush while re-packing their baseball bags.
The layer of dust on the corners of each stair and the dried blue toothpaste clumps in the sink.
The crumbs of goldfish decorating that carpet you just vacuumed yesterday and the papers piled all over the counter.
The unmade beds and unopened mail, and empty toilet paper roll … the one changed only by you.

Believe me, I see. And I know.

I see the craziness of your schedule as you try to survive each day.

I see how you wake to their bickering, negotiate their apologies, redirect their insults, and teach them to forgive each other over and over again. I know that process is long. I know the detour it cuts into your day. I know.

I see how you spend hours in the car. How it’s morning school drop-offs, and just hours later a Kindergarten pick-up. And without even two hours more, I see how you leave for elementary pick-up and linger around waiting for that high-schooler to be out. Multiple schools, multiple drop-off and pick up times.

I see how you drive all over town accommodating dance lessons and soccer practice, baseball games and youth group meetings, hours and hours in the car.

I see how you take all of them to the grocery store and beg them to obey. And by aisle four, two are fighting over the police-car-shopping-cart’s steering wheel, while another one’s trying to climb out of the basket altogether.

I see how you stand and cook dinner and maneuver the cranky dinnertime hour. How you answer their philosophical questions and debate their intellectual points, as you try to follow the measurements of that recipe before you.

I see how you run a marathon every single day. Multitasking, constantly thinking, and trying to plan a step ahead all along the way. The sheer physicality of it is exhausting. I know.

I see how you want to exercise but can’t. How you want quiet time but know nothing of quiet. And how you long for simpler days where you cease to run the crazed race as someone demands something at every hour.

But mostly, I see the intentions of your heart, and the desperation that resides there.

You long to be seen, and you want to be known. You want the reassurance you’re doing what matters, and in the process you’re not making too big a mess of it all.

You want to be seen for your intentions, and valued for trying … And I do see how you’re trying, yet wishing for something more, and craving the security instant success could bring.

I see how you’re stretched thin but keep hanging on.

How your doubt hovers like a cloud,

How your effectiveness seems uncertain,

And how you’re wondering if you’re cut out for this at all.

I see how you purpose to train and teach your children to become who God wants them to be. How you long to love them, but sometimes don’t really like them. And how the guilt weighs you down as a result.

I know your patience wanes and you reach your limit. I can hear the tone of your voice grow as the words you speak become arrows that pierce their hearts. Even the best of us blow it. We do. Oh how I know.

I see you. I’ve been you. And many, many days … I am you.

But the desperation of my own weary heart wants you to know we are in this together, my friend.

You are not alone.

This life as a mother is one of the hardest ones ever. Not for the faint of heart at all.

But may I whisper something to your weary heart even now? 

God … loves … you.

And He chose YOU, for these dependent little moldable lives.

He picked you, amidst these adolescent years, for this. Even now.

And with His help, you really ARE enough. Because He says you are.  [Tweet that]

You must know that today … YOU are seen and YOU are known. By Him and by me.

You. Are. Not. Alone.

With much love for you. And much hope for our continued time together,

I’ll be joining some beautiful women over at the new blog, Hope for the Weary Mom. Together we’re called Team Hope, and we’ll be spending time with you every Tuesday through Thursday, getting to know each other, with reassurances to your weary heart that you are not alone.

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And every Thursday, starting TODAY, there will be a Dear Weary Mom link up, with mammas sharing their words of encouragement and hope.

You can visit the blog, like the Facebook page, or follow on Twitter

Won’t you join us?
I think you’ll be so very glad you did!

Dear Weary Mom




For When You Wonder Why You Long To Connect

To connect is food for the soul.

And I watch it happen before my eyes … this feeding of a soul.

A father and daughter right before me. And what I see is undeniable.

How she looks at him. And how he looks at her.

How she holds her arms up. And how his strong arms lift her, and encircle her right around.

I watch them walk. And I see him lean forward and kiss her head with tenderness.

Her hair waves in the wind and she brushes it away. And then she pulls his chin and points for him to see. And he stops. And looks. And they just know. No words between them. Nothing audible to be heard. Just a connection that transcends the need to speak.

She flings her arms around his neck and holds on tight. And resting her chin on his shoulder, she peers from behind his protection. And she is still. Because she knows she is valued, and she is loved.

And isn’t that what we all really want … to connect?

To be valued and loved and deeply known.

To know there’s someone who’ll see us when we hold our arms up.

Who’ll pick us up and carry us when we’re desperate for reassurance and protection.

Someone who sees the needs of our heart.

And who stops, and looks, with full attention, as we point toward our hopes and dreams.

Don’t we all want to rest our heads, and hold on tight, and know the comfort of a protective embrace?

To connect without the need for words?

To be still in strong arms?

To know and be known?

From His Father’s heart, He has created us for this … to connect … to feed our souls, and to really live.

Psalm 109:9 (ESV)
For he satisfies the longing soul,
and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

 

 

Do you long to connect?

How has your soul been fed lately?

 

 

I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to take five minutes and just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing, with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:

Connect…

 

*Linking with Pieces of Amy



For When Your Heart Aches…

Do I really dare to write the ways my heart aches—the ways I feel bare and exposed?

How do I give words to the dull underlying feeling that seems to be inevitable in this life?

I drive to work as the sun begins to rise, and the song plays. And its refrain undoes me. I ache at the moments I’m not seizing and the ways I feel like I’m failing. Will I look back and regret? I don’t want to. And I repurpose in my heart right there as I drive, to love them stronger, to speak life deeper, and to hug longer than I’ve been doing.

I pull in to my dark driveway at the end of the day and read the emails, all of them ending with expressions of love. And while I know they are heartfelt and sincere, I still ache. I ache at having friends that I can’t spend time with face to face. People I call friends, but I hardly ever see. I long for connection—that face to face time.

I go upstairs and it isn’t even 5 minutes I’ve been home, and I misinterpret what he says again, and the conversation unravels. And I stand there at the end of the bed exposed and bare again, like a tree in winter. No leaves, no sun, just exposed to the cold right there. And while I try to hold back the tears they spill over my eyelids. And I ache. Even here in this place, with the person who knows me best, I fail. And I long to be more. I long to connect. I want to be known.

And the longing to connect and be known is my signal—I’m empty and He’s the one I need.

He’s the only one who can possibly soothe the real aches—connection with Him the only lasting thing that satisfies. May I listen to that signal, and run to Him when my heart aches.

Psalm 86:3-13, 15-17 (NASB)
3 Be gracious to me, O Lord,
For to You I cry all day long.
4 Make glad the soul of Your servant,
For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
5 For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,
And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You.
6 Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer;
And give heed to the voice of my supplications!
7 In the day of my trouble I shall call upon You,
For You will answer me.
8 There is no one like You among the gods, O Lord,
Nor are there any works like Yours.
9 All nations whom You have made shall come and worship before You, O Lord,
And they shall glorify Your name.
10 For You are great and do wondrous deeds;
You alone are God.
11 Teach me Your way, O LORD;
I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your name.
12 I will give thanks to You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
And will glorify Your name forever.
13 For Your lovingkindness toward me is great,
And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.
15 But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth.
16 Turn to me, and be gracious to me…
17 Show me a sign for good…
Because You, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

 

May you find comfort in Him, in the moments of life when your heart aches.

 

 Is your heart aching today?

How can I pray for you?

 

I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to take five minutes and just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing, with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:

Ache…

 
 




Because We All Have Hard and Rough Days

I had a hard day. Just feeling down and overwhelmed with all the hats I wear and the pressure of it all. Kids who don’t obey, communication challenges in my marriage, organizational changes at work, and more acquaintance-only friends than I can count. And to be honest, it’s been a rough day.

Do you have rough days? Because I’m guessing I’m not alone.

I know we often have a tendency to hide behind a mask on the hard days. It’s not that we pretend to be perfect, but we don’t talk openly about our struggles either. And the isolation feeds the sadness. And pretty soon, a speedy-spiral down begins, and the vortex sucks us deeper in, feeling even more down and overwhelmed.

And I think what makes a day like today rough, is my indulgent thoughts. They are full of questioning and self-doubt, giving leverage to the wishing for things to be different—self-inflicted standards that blind me to the blessings all around.

Wishing I was a better wife who could communicate more effectively.

Dreaming of being a mom who isn’t easily triggered by childish silliness and repetitive disobedience—a mom whose fuse is long instead of short.

Wishing I was a better leader at work, more decisive and less worried about others disagreeing with my decisions.

And really, really, wishing I had  close friends.

Oh I have plenty of people I know—people who would say they like me, who may even say they admire me. But no one who I really share life with. No one who I chat with on the phone or sit with on my couch, talking in person face to face.

And it’s probably my own fault … so little time in my days for such things … things that would feed my heart. In these busy kind of days with Facebook updates and twitter posts as substitutes for intimacy, the art of knowing another and being known in return, is fading, and I’m so sad about that. As Anne of Green Gables would say…I need a bosom friend.

And because of all this wallowing, I wasn’t going to link up with Ann and her community this week. And I skipped five-minute-Friday last week too. Thinking I’d just sit alone behind my mask, not really even wanting to write.

And then I spent time with Him, as I do most every day. And like He does each and every time, through the power of His Word, He transforms my wretched wallowing heart and makes me see my sin. I’m stuck staring at my ingratitude and indulgence—my selfish useless thinking. And it is He alone who can make me new…He alone who can take my wishing and dreaming and redirect me to see what He has already given–to see what I actually have, instead of what I think I lack.

And it is in grasping of who He is, who I am in Him, and the giving of thanks back to Him, where the transformation happens.

Psalm 97:9,11-12 (ESV)
For you, O Lord, are most high over all the earth; You are exalted far above all gods. Light is sown for the righteous, and joy for the upright in heart. Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to His Holy name.

 

And so amidst a rough day, I will exalt Him for who He is–and give Him a sacrifice of praise. I will pursue righteousness and He promises to light my way and give me joy…joy that is beyond happiness, beyond circumstances, beyond my wishes and possibilities. Joy that is grounded in the recognition of who He is and what He gives.

And I will come to Jesus amidst the rough days…I will choose Him and I will give thanks, continuing to count the gifts that never end.

Amidst your hard and rough days, may you see the gifts that never end…the ones He never stops giving, and may you find joy, is my prayer.

 Continuing in the counting of One Thousand Gifts {#1098-1112}…
#1098  The beauty of the making-up after the arguing
#1099  Time spent all day with my children
#1100  A new way to celebrate advent together…Truth in Tinsel
#1101  A crescent moon in the dark sky tonight
#1102  Sisters in Bloom and the beauty God’s weaving in it
#1103  A youngest daughter turning four
#1104  The surprise we’re preparing for her
#1105 A hard-working and very talented husband
#1106  In-laws who selflessly serve us each and every day
#1107  A job I love and a reputation for loving Jesus there
#1108  Ann’s relevant words, to seek Him when I feel the hunger
#1109 Lessons I’m learning in writing
#1110  A new car to drive with XM radio…LOVE the Message
#1111  Good Morning Girls emails throughout the day, and a chance to SEE them in person this Sunday
#1112  And this song, Come to Jesus, that moved me to tears flowing down fast, amidst this rough day

 

Linking also with Week 4 of Write it Girl

And the free app for counting the gifts…
one thousand gifts app

 {Photo credit: ldhren, Flickr Creative Commons}



A Broken Hallelujah

In Real Life…

I’m a mess at times, and much more broken than I seem.

In real life I long to belong.

I long to relate.  

I long to connect.

I long to know and be known by another.

In real life, with each life change and circumstance shift, I’m being stretched and challenged. And I am growing and changing and learning so much…

  • I’m realizing that it is in the dark places that His light comes to illuminate the parts of my heart that need to change.
  • I’m seeing that it is in the pain and brokenness of life, that His greatest work of maturing can be accomplished in me.
  • I‘m acknowledging that my heart can be pieced together by the super glue of His love…by the transforming and redeeming power it brings. [Read more...]



I Can Still Remember, and I Give Thanks

I can still remember as I sat on the couch that day, tears streaming in an unrelenting flow and I will never forget that day in May…the very day that would have been my 9th wedding anniversary of my previous marriage.

Me having been divorced…and now remarried.

Me experiencing, that day, the first of my three miscarriages, the emptying of hope…

And I couldn’t help but wonder with the coincidence of that day, could this be what I deserved? The consequence of my sin? A lack of blessing from Him?

And there I was, wondering, would I ever be blessed with children?

My heart’s ache was so real and so very raw. [Read more...]




The Grace Giver

I still feel it like it was yesterday.

Memories sear hearts.

She had been my friend. My familiar friend. My close friend.

The pain.  Memories still ringing, resonating in the deepest rooms of my heart…in rooms I don’t visit often and where cobwebs reside and where time has run past…

But still, aching resides there, echoes of the pain I knew. There is a longing within…

  • A longing to know and be known
  • A longing to give and receive
  • A longing to share and be trusted
  • To be known intimately and deeply
  • To bypass superficialities and niceties
  • To share the realness of life with another
  • To bare our soul safely and in return cradle the soul of another

This longing which is meant to be realized as one cares for another. [Read more...]

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