A Letter to You, For When You’re Weary

May 16, 2013 by Jacque 10 Comments

Dear weary mom,

I see you. And I’ve been you. Weary, drooping, and exasperated, like week-old tulip petals trying to hang on. Fading and withering, more and more … until weak, and all used-up, and falling right down.

I am you. And I know.

I see the messes you face over and over again.

The Cheerios appearing on the floor without fail, every single morning.

The dishes piling one on top of another … because the dishwasher’s already clean and there isn’t even one moment to unload it.

The toys regenerating and scattered throughout the house.

The crayon marks and drops of watermelon juice smeared all over the floor, which you only notice after stepping there.

The shoe closet littered with empty water bottles, because those boys discarded them in a rush while re-packing their baseball bags.

The layer of dust on the corners of each stair and the dried blue toothpaste clumps in the sink.

The crumbs of goldfish decorating that carpet you just vacuumed yesterday and the papers piled all over the counter.

The unmade beds and unopened mail, and empty toilet paper roll … the one changed only by you.

Believe me, I see. And I know.

I see the craziness of your schedule as you try to survive each day.

I see how you wake to their bickering, negotiate their apologies, redirect their insults, and teach them to forgive each other over and over again. I know that process is long. I know the detour it cuts into your day. I know.

I see how you spend hours in the car. How it’s morning school drop-offs, and just hours later a Kindergarten pick-up. And without even two hours more, I see how you leave for elementary pick-up and linger around waiting for that high-schooler to be out. Multiple schools, multiple drop-off and pick up times.

I see how you drive all over town accommodating dance lessons and soccer practice, baseball games and youth group meetings, hours and hours in the car.

I see how you take all of them to the grocery store and beg them to obey. And by aisle four, two are fighting over the police-car-shopping-cart’s steering wheel, while another one’s trying to climb out of the basket altogether.

I see how you stand and cook dinner and maneuver the cranky dinnertime hour. How you answer their philosophical questions and debate their intellectual points, as you try to follow the measurements of that recipe before you.

I see how you run a marathon every single day. Multitasking, constantly thinking, and trying to plan a step ahead all along the way. The sheer physicality of it is exhausting. I know.

I see how you want to exercise but can’t. How you want quiet time but know nothing of quiet. And how you long for simpler days where you cease to run the crazed race as someone demands something at every hour.

But mostly, I see the intentions of your heart, and the desperation that resides there.

You long to be seen, and you want to be known. You want the reassurance you’re doing what matters, and in the process you’re not making too big a mess of it all.

You want to be seen for your intentions, and valued for trying … And I do see how you’re trying, yet wishing for something more, and craving the security instant success could bring.

I see how you’re stretched thin but keep hanging on.

How your doubt hovers like a cloud,

How your effectiveness seems uncertain,

And how you’re wondering if you’re cut out for this at all.

I see how you purpose to train and teach your children to become who God wants them to be. How you long to love them, but sometimes don’t really like them. And how the guilt weighs you down as a result.

I know your patience wanes and you reach your limit. I can hear the tone of your voice grow as the words you speak become arrows that pierce their hearts. Even the best of us blow it. We do. Oh how I know.

I see you. I’ve been you. And many, many days … I am you.

But the desperation of my own weary heart wants you to know we are in this together, my friend.

You are not alone.

This life as a mother is one of the hardest ones ever. Not for the faint of heart at all.

But may I whisper something to your weary heart even now?

God … loves … you.

And He chose YOU, for these dependent little moldable lives.

He picked you, amidst these adolescent years, for this. Even now.

And with His help, you really ARE enough. Because He says you are. [Tweet that]

You must know that today … YOU are seen and YOU are known. By Him and by me.

You. Are. Not. Alone.

With much love for you. And much hope for our continued time together,

I’ll be joining some beautiful women over at the new blog, Hope for the Weary Mom. Together we’re called Team Hope, and we’ll be spending time with you every Tuesday through Thursday, getting to know each other, with reassurances to your weary heart that you are not alone.

And every Thursday, starting TODAY, there will be a Dear Weary Mom link up, with mammas sharing their words of encouragement and hope.

You can visit the blog, like the Facebook page, or follow on Twitter.

Won’t you join us?

I think you’ll be so very glad you did!

Filed Under: Adversity, Character, Community, Failure, Faith, Friendship, God's Promises, God's Sovereignty, Hope, Hope for the Weary Mom, Motherhood, Relationships Tagged With: aching, failing, friendship, longing, motherhood, realness, weary mom

Mended :: May We Surrender in Our Grief {Week 9}

April 17, 2013 by Jacque 2 Comments

Surrender is hardest when we don’t understand.

Sarah’s with Jesus tonight. Her battle is over now. She was only five years old, just one month younger than my youngest daughter. My heart is broken for her mama and all who loved her.

Leukemia stole her future and ripped apart her hope–the hope of tooth fairy visits, school fundraisers, dance recitals, and slumber parties. There will be no prom dress, or graduation dance, or wedding gown gliding down a church aisle. Sarahbear, as they affectionately called her, is free.

No weeping. No hurt or pain. No suffering.

God holds her now.

But in the wake of grief and the excruciating loss, we don’t understand. There are no words to explain the horror of childhood cancer. It ravages little bodies and leaves anguish in it’s wake.

I have several friends who are walking through this journey with their children. The pain, the hospitalizations, the surgeries … the way it changes everything about life is unimaginable to those of us who aren’t living it every single day.

How does one surrender amidst such suffering and pain?

How do we trust when we don’t understand at all?

Angie Smith has been leading us through her book, Mended, Pieces of a Life Made Whole. Angie knows suffering. Her daughter Audrey’s death has left a permanent scar on her heart. And the day Audrey died, Angie could not imagine why such a tragedy happened in her life. I’m certain she questioned God, wondering if He knew what He was doing at all.

Angie writes of the difficulty of surrendering Audrey’s body to the nurse that day. She describes her memory of the hospital room’s door closing, and with that closing sound, how the finality was made so real and how the pain echoed in her heart.

But now, years later, because of Audrey’s death, there are thousands of women who have hope because of Angie’s story. They’ve read her books, heard her speak at Women of Faith events, and received hope amidst their own grief.

They have hope because someone else knows their pain. Someone hears their heart … someone whose opinion of God holds weight to them, because she’s been there and she knows.

Through tragedy, God has brought triumph from Audrey’s life , and Angie has touched countless women through her words. It’s easy to see, looking back now, how God has graciously taken Audrey’s death and used it for good in so many lives. A truth that was insurmountable for Angie to grasp all those years ago … just five years ago this month, to be exact. And God continues to bring blessing from Audrey’s life.

Through our tragedy and pain God is still God. ← Click to Tweet

In our woundedness He still cares.

And I love Angie’s words on page 144…

I’m so grateful for a God who makes Himself small enough to listen to us and big enough to cover us with his grace, even when we don’t understand His ways…What I desire is to be a woman who really trusts in God’s best for me. That doesn’t always mean it turns out the way I want it to, or even the way it feels like would be right. What it means is that I surrender my will to a God whom I can fully trust…He has a plan that we can’t see, and sometimes the best thing we can do is simply ask Him to extend His mercy as we walk in blindness…to trust that He is in control and that He is trustworthy anyway…

~Angie Smith, Mended

While I am deeply saddened to know of Sarah’s death, I’m rejoicing in the fact that she is no longer suffering and that she is healed and whole in the presence of our great God.

I am praying for all the grieving hearts who are missing her tonight. May we choose to surrender to our God who loves us and is with us even now, even in this. May we thank Him for who He is.

And may we open our hands in surrender, even though this night we don’t understand.

Today, my friend Tracie is sharing her beautiful words about our reading for this week.

Please hop over to read her encouraging words.

And if you have a moment today, please pray for Sarah’s family.

May they feel your love, is my prayer.

How has God brought beauty from your grief?

Here’s the schedule for the next two weeks…

April 18 - Chapters 26-28 :: Tracie

April 25 - Chapters 29-31 :: Concluding Thoughts

*Linking with Denise

Filed Under: (In)couragers, Adversity, Brokenness, Community, Grief & Suffering, Mended, Relationships Tagged With: aching, brokenness

When Boston Bombs and Tragedy & Suffering Bring Doubt

April 15, 2013 by Jacque 4 Comments

Boston bombs … and in our tragedy and suffering we dangle with doubt.

Our hands hold on and our hearts grieve, for the hope we long to keep. Our innocence is long-lost and our trust in peace is shattered. And we sit and wait for answers and wrestle to understand why.

One tragedy follows another, like lights strung in a row, and we wonder what will be next down the line. The notion lingers in the back of our minds, as we wince with the anticipation of what might come.

We drown in a sea of suffering and wrestle against the evil that ignites our pain. An evil so vile that it stains our hope and corrupts our belief in the goodness of our God.

And pain gushes out and doubt rushes in…

Does God even see?

When babies are shot and limbs are flying and panic sets in like a cloud blocking the sun…

Does God even know?

That mothers are without children and bones may never mend and someone may never walk one more step…

Does He even care at all?

That innocence is lost and life is changed and we’ve lost our hope in the goodness of this world.

It may not make sense to our human minds but there is one thing we must always remember…

The purpose of life is not happiness or joy or the absence of suffering … but for as many as possible to know God.

For as many as possible to experience His grace and be found by His mercy and enter into an intimate relationship with Him.

His heart longs for us to know Him … to not just know about Him, but to become intimately acquainted with Him.

Even in the thick of tragedy and the depth of suffering…

His love shines brightest in the darkness.

He stills the surges in the storm.

He descends to the valley and meets us there.

And in the dust-ridden ashes He makes beauty from it all.

He is near in our broken moments and close to our shattering pain. ←Click to Tweet

He is Sovereign.

He is Mighty.

He is Holy.

And even amidst tragedy and suffering He is Worthy.

Whether we can see Him there, or feel Him near, there is a decision for us to make…

Will we trust He knows all things, He holds all things…

And in His Sovereign plan, is working even tragedy and suffering, for the good of His Ultimate plan?

And He invites you to come close in your pain, to step into His embrace. That even in the midst He may cover you with His presence and hold you in the palm of His hand.

And although in the midst of tragedy and suffering we may never know or understand the masterpiece He is weaving to allow for as many as possible to come to know Him, even still, may we trust Him even if we don’t understand.

Trust Him in our doubt. Trust Him in our pain. Trust Him in our uncertainty.

When we can’t trust His hand, may we trust His heart.

Trust that He sees,

Trust that He knows,

And trust that He loves us … even. there.

Boston, we are praying for you and we are trusting, even still, in the goodness of our God.

May our hearts be encouraged by this song is my prayer…

For RSS and email subscribers…view video by clicking here

Cornerstone, by Hillsong LIVE

My hope is built on nothing less

than Jesus’ blood and righteousness

I dare not trust the sweetest frame

but wholly trust in Jesus’ name

Christ alone, Cornerstone

Weak made strong, in the Savior’s love

Through the storm

He is Lord, Lord of All

When darkness seems to hide His face

I rest on His unchanging grace

In every high and stormy gale

My anchor holds within the veil

Christ alone, Cornerstone

Weak made strong, in the Savior’s love

Through the storm

He is Lord, Lord of All

Then He shall come with trumpets sound

Oh, may I then in Him be found

Dressed in His righteousness alone

faultless, stand before the throne

Filed Under: Adversity, Brokenness, Faith, God's Love, God's Mercy & Grace, God's Promises, God's Sovereignty, Grief & Suffering Tagged With: aching, brokenness, pain

When You Need to Believe There Can Be Beauty After Pain

April 6, 2013 by Jacque 7 Comments

It is only in the after, that we might see any beauty at all.

After the snow melts. After the rain has come. After the bulb spends months in the dark cold of the ground.

After the leukemia, and the chemo, and the central lines … the hospitalizations, and the procedures that swirl life right down the drain.

After the loss comes, and the funeral music plays, and the long years of grieving begin. After the reminders continually spring up everywhere, mocking that life will never be the same.

It is only in the after, that we might see any beauty at all.

After the the bankruptcy and the moving and the profoundness of the loss. After waiting for a job and wondering how to buy food tomorrow.

After the mistakes and the failure, and the burying weight of guilt and shame that one day will need to be shed. After the dark nights crying, chests heaving, endless nights wondering if we’ll survive even just one more night.

It is only in the after, that we might see any beauty at all.

After the mess. After the pain. After all has come crashing down, and the darkness debilitates and the anger suffocates. Loneliness hangs on and depression hovers like a cloud. All the lost hopes, crushed dreams, and plans laid bare, lying shattered on the floor.

It is only in the after, that the cloud can lift and reveal His view. Beauty from ashes.

We can’t see it in the before … and it is obscure in the now. And even in the after, we may never be able to see the beauty in it, at all.

The scars of our pain will continually remind us and we may never know or understand the why.

But even in the now, we can trust Him … trust in His love and cling to His heart.

We can choose for our desperation to become dependence,

For our pain to become our purpose,

And for our hearts to beat after His.

And one day, in the after, may He give us the gift to see the beauty He brought through it … after all.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace,

who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ,

will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

1 Peter 5:10-11 (ESV)

Looking back, how has God redeemed your suffering?

How has beauty come from your pain?

I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to take five minutes and just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write for 5 20 minutes flat ~~with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing~~, with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:

After…

Filed Under: Adversity, Brokenness, Character, Community, Failure, Faith, Five Minute Friday, God's Mercy & Grace, God's Promises, Grief & Suffering, Guilt & Shame, Hope, Relationships Tagged With: 1 Peter, aching, beauty, brokenness, failing, mercy, shame

Give Thanks to the Lord for He is Good

November 22, 2012 by Jacque 4 Comments

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good.

He. is. good.

Do you believe He is?

Even through the job loss

The cancer fight

The care of an aging parent

Or the care of a special needs child?

Do you believe He is good?

Even through the loneliness and despair of isolation

The tension of your marriage

Or the rejection of a friend?

For some of us it’s easy to give thanks, but for others, this day is hard, and giving thanks is a sacrifice.

Because thanks is something you say when you believe you’ve received a gift. But what if that thing you’re given feels nothing like a gift? And what if believing He’s good is the hardest part of all?

Oh friend, may I encourage you today? No matter the triumphs or tragedies of this year…

He longs to draw you close.

He longs to open His arms wide and pull you into His embrace.

He sees who you are.

And He wants to make you more like Him.

Not because you’re not good enough just the way you are. Not. at. all. But so you can become more like Him–reflecting Him to a hurting and desperate world.

He longs to connect with you, and for you to abide.

And so He gives. ALL things.

And even if we don’t feel like they’re gifts,

He does care,

And He does know,

And He IS good.

So today, no matter where you are or what your heart is facing, please know…

He is good,

And you are loved,

Just as you are.

May we accept all He gives, trust in His plan, and offer Him the thanks of our whole heart.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A Thanksgiving Prayer

Lord Jesus,

This Thanksgiving day we acknowledge You are good.

We lay down our selfish ways and limited perspectives,

and we surrender our hearts completely to You … no holding back.

We trust you and thank you for all you give and for all we have…

For making a way for us to be reconciled through Your death on the cross.

For giving us mercy–by removing the punishment we deserve,

For giving us grace–by offering your love and favor we could never earn.

This day of Thanksgiving, mold us and make us to be more like You,

that we may reflect You to a lost and dying world.

Thank you for ALL you give, we are so in awe of You.

In Jesus’ name we pray,

Amen

When thanks demands a sacrifice, will you give thanks even then?

What are you giving thanks for today?

Filed Under: Adversity, Brokenness, Character, Devotional, Faith, God's Love, God's Mercy & Grace, Gratitude, Hope Tagged With: aching, brokenness, character, grace, growth, love, mercy, thanks

To Welcome Suffering is to Say Yes to God

October 5, 2012 by Jacque 18 Comments

If there’s one thing I’m learning lately, it’s that suffering is inevitable in this life. That no matter who we are, no matter what we have, and no matter where we live, we will have hard things to face.

And yet it’s such a challenge to welcome the suffering–to embrace adversity…

To look forward to it with a true attitude of joy,

To embrace it as an opportunity to grow our character, refine our rough edges, and re-make our hearts to love deeper, reach farther, and think beyond our current circumstances.

To welcome suffering, is really to say yes to God.

To say yes to what He gives, as hard as it may be…

Yes to the job loss

Yes to the chronic illness

Yes to the broken relationships

And the messiness of this life

Because isn’t it our perspective that’s the problem?

Our limited perspective, that makes us see the hardship of our circumstances instead of the greatness of the work He is longing to accomplish in us?

Isn’t it the obstacle of our own selves that’s the problem, not what He gives?

Our selfish, narrow-minded ways,

Our finite perspective of how WE think things should go,

Our limited view that keep us from seeing the good that could lie beyond what our eyes see today.

I’m learning that joy transcends my circumstances, and that joy is rooted in my thanks and trust.

Do I really believe He is good, all the time?

Do I really trust that He has this under control and knows exactly what He is doing?

Do I believe he not only CAN but WILL—that He IS working it all for my good, in His time and in His way?

May we welcome ALL He gives.

And in the midst of whatever that is, may we lift our eyes and look to Him—look forward to His help, and welcome whatever it is He is longing to accomplish in us.

How have you wrestled with the problem of suffering?

What have you learned along the way?

I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to take five minutes and just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing, with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:

Welcome…

Linking to Rachel Wojnarowski

Filed Under: Brokenness, Character, Faith, Five Minute Friday, God's Sovereignty, Grief & Suffering, Hope, Humility/Self-Denial, Inspirational, Joy Tagged With: aching, brokenness, character, growth, hope, joy

When Our Heart Aches, He Meets Us Even There

September 23, 2012 by Jacque 15 Comments

I cry the ugly cry and can hardly type through the blur. My heart is aching and I know the ache is nothing compared with what some others may be facing. But my tears only know my ache, the reality of my situation, and there’s nothing more real than my very own heart.

I’m alone, yet I know God is here.

I’ve heard people say that Jesus is all we need, and while ideally this is true, He doesn’t have skin on, and He created us for each other too. And how I long for the embrace of real people to hold my heart and reassure me that everything’s going to be okay.

Maybe you’ve had these moments too … late night moments when you’re all alone and the weight of reality settles in like a heavy cloud. Where you’re overwhelmed and not sure what to do next. When you long for a friend to talk to.

Me too, friend, me too.

How is it we can know so many people, yet still feel so alone?

How is it possible to be lonely amidst so many acquaintances?

I watched the women talk on Sunday, so animated and engaged. They chatted and laughed and were full of joy. I stared and wished I had that too. But the reality is, I don’t.

I walk the church campus and hear lots of greetings. People say hi and even ask how I’m doing, but there’s no time to stop and share. Only time to say something to fill the moment–a way of making passing conversation. They asked, but I’m not sure they really wanted to know.

Acquaintances.

I’ve grown weary of acquaintances.

People I’ve known in one capacity or another, sometimes closely, sometimes at a distance.

People who say they appreciate me and love me, but all of us with lives too busy to offer face to face time with one another.

Too wrapped up in our own schedules to offer any I’m-coming-over-to-sit-with-you-on-your-couch-to-just-talk time.

It hurts.

And I’m thinking I’m not alone.

And while it’s true God created us for fellowship with one another, it’s also true that others can’t meet all our needs. We’re designed with an empty place in our hearts only He can fill. And times alone, without others as a distraction, bring us to the end of ourselves and make us fully dependent on Him.

And as we turn to Him, He meets us in that place.

I reflect and remember words I’ve written before…

Feelings are not the dictators of my reality.

The sacrifice of giving thanks brings joy.

The sacrifice of praise lifts the spirit of heaviness.

And is it possible He’s giving me this season to lean into Him … to turn to Him, in a new and passionate way?

So I run to His Word to replace my feelings with His truth.

I make my list of thanks—because everything is from Him. And everything is a gift.

And I put on Pandora and worship and praise Him. Because no matter what my heart feels, He is worthy of my praise. I sing. All alone, I sing. Even if all that I can sing is a broken hallelujah.

Because no matter what we’re feeling, no matter what we’re facing, he is in total control and He is good.

He sees.

He knows.

And He meets us even there.

In these low places and in these desperate moments.

And He is enough.

Jacque

Have you ached for relationship too?

How has God met you, even in those moments?

Continuing on, in the counting of One Thousand Gifts {#1621-1635} with Ann and this community, and the Joy Dare of 2012…with September’s printable.

#1621 Air conditioning on hot muggy days

#1622 A house cleaned by my husband and kids

#1623 Women of Faith in Anaheim

#1624 Help to live my God-sized dream

#1625 Job loss and joy in suffering

#1626 Extra shifts to help meet the budget

#1627 Time with my parents

#1628 A 12 mile-run with my sister

#1629 A day at the fair with the kids

#1630 Leading hymns and singing old songs

#1631 Chicken pot pie, connection, and prayer

#1632 Lunch with an almost-grown son

#1633 Kids swimming every day

#1634 The growing joy of processing life through writing

#1635 How He loves me and meets me even there

*Linking with Playdates and The Better Mom

Filed Under: Adversity, Brokenness, Character, Devotional, Faith, Friendship, Gratitude, Grief & Suffering, Inspirational Tagged With: aching, brokenness, connection, friend, friendship, One Thousand Gifts, pain, realness, thanks

Because He Really Does Satisfy with Long Life

August 6, 2012 by Jacque 3 Comments

There’s always one someone to begin the journey … to pave the way for those who follow.

And what a privilege to return home in the late of summer to celebrate her 90th birthday.

Her life has not been perfect; in fact it has been full of suffering…

An alcoholic father, an interrupted education, marrying young, and having lots of babies…

No running water, almost no money, baking from scratch, curing wild game, miscarriages and the loss of babies…

Grieving the loss of parents, contracting polio in her left arm and never being able to raise it after that, and learning to write with her right hand all over again…

Dealing with difficult in-laws, rebellious children, and a foster daughter’s betrayal…

Years of working hard and enduring a challenging and unaffirming marriage…

The death of her spouse, the death of her dogs, the betrayal of close friends, and living alone…

Diabetes, shingles, gout, and medications, a torn rotator cuff, limited right arm mobility and the loss of a driver’s license…

So much to endure and so much to grieve…

But her heart met a Savior all those years ago, and changed her journey through it all … and changed her children too.

Every Sunday she took them to Sunday school. And in the only way she knew how, she instilled in them a love for God, a love for music, and a love of His people. She taught them to work hard, to never be lazy, to reap what you sow and to sow generously.

I remember many Christmases at her house, gifts piled a mile high. How she loved to cook and loved to teach us how too. No one could make pies or biscuits like her and I’m privileged enough to have some of her recipes … recipes scratched out in her own left-handed-turned-right-handed handwriting, indicating a pinch of this and a bit of that, in a way only she could explain in person.

I remember the gospel music she loved and how her little dog would always jump up on her lap with a yip-yap bark that made everyone crazy but her.

I remember how she used to drive with a jerky start-stop, decelerating at the last possible moment and braking with her left foot while keeping her right over the accelerator, ready to go again.

And now at age 90, we meet on a warm August evening to surprise her and celebrate–her children, grand-children, and great-grandchildren all gathering to eat, to talk, to swim and to sing.

Her long life is a gift and together we give thanks, for her and the legacy she began for each of us.

Psalm 91:14-16 (ESV)

Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.

What are you giving thanks for today?

Continuing on, in the counting of One Thousand Gifts {#1561-1575} with Ann and this community, and the Joy Dare of 2012…with August’s printable.

#1561 A job I love

#1562 Fluffy white clouds in the sky

#1563 The way he looks at me from across the room

#1564 Ministry opportunities to use my gifts

#1565 To read The Story as a church this school year

#1566 Hugs and kisses and tickles on the floor

#1567 Summer movies at the theatre

#1568 Chick-fil-A lunch with our co-op friends

#1569 Homeschool planning

#1570 A Pre-Kindergarten program full of fun

#1571 The San Joaquin valley in the summertime

#1572 A morning chat with my sweet aunt

#1573 A blonde lab and his friendly temperment

#1574 Running 8 miles with my sister

#1575 Time with family and friends

*Linking with Playdates and The Better Mom

Filed Under: Faith, Family, Gratitude, One Thousand Gifts Tagged With: aching, beauty, growth, joy, Psalms

3 Steps For When Your Heart Faces the Pain, Brokenness, and Devastation of Divorce :: Sermon on the Mount {Week 15}

July 18, 2012 by Jacque 9 Comments

No matter what, divorce is painful. It hurts. And its consequences never really end.

I know—because twelve years ago I got divorced. I know first-hand the pain and its consequences, especially when adultery is involved. And while I’ll share those details with you another time, suffice it to say, God hates divorce from the spouse of your youth.

It was never His plan from the beginning. Not because He wants to cramp your style, but because He wants you to have the most joy-filled, pain-free, blessed-and-supremely-happy kind of life.

He doesn’t want you to have to experience the pain and suffering of divorce.

To feel the ripping apart that it is.

The fighting. The arguing.

The selling of the house.

The custody fight over the kids.

It’s not His best for you to have to say goodbye to your children as they’re crying and begging not to leave you.

For you to be away from them for days at a time.

For their hearts to be torn apart while blaming themselves.

All the while grieving the loss of the only family they’d ever known.

He doesn’t want you to live with years of guilt and shame.

To struggle to forgive yourself.

To regret the choices you’ve made.

To live with the feeling that your life may never be as blessed.

Chances are divorce has affected your life in some way. You may have personally experienced it or known someone who did.

And no matter the reason for the divorce, we tend to be judgmental–eager for excuses and quick to justify our decisions. And just like the Pharisees, many people wonder…

What reason justifies divorce? Is there one?

Because we want to know the rule we have to follow.

To know what’s required of us.

To know where the line is so we don’t technically cross it.

To know where our out is if we want one.

And like the Pharisees, we completely miss the fact that it’s SO not about the rules, but about the principles—about the heart and spirit behind the law.

In Matthew, Jesus gives no reason for divorce. In fact in Matthew 19, He reminds the Pharisees that from the beginning marriage has been a one-flesh union that no one should rip apart, and divorce from the wife of your youth was never in God’s plan.

Instead God’s desire is always for love and forgiveness to reign, and for marriages to remain together. Sometimes the happiest marriages are the ones that can overcome any circumstance together.

And you know what? God doesn’t just ask this of us, He models it for us. Israel, His betrothed bride, repeatedly betrays Him, but He pursues her anyway and remembers His covenant with her.

“The idea taught by God’s Word is not only that of the indissolubility of marriage, but that of the law of love and forgiveness…as unworthy and undeserving sinners we have all been forgiven by the grace of God, and that must enter into and control our view of everything that happens to us with respect to all other persons, and especially in the relationship of marriage.”

~D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

And although divorce is not God’s best for us, it’s not the end of us either. Because last I checked, divorce is not the unforgivable sin, and neither is adultery.

“Even adultery is not the unforgivable sin. It is a terrible sin, but God forbid that there should be anyone who feels that he or she has sinned himself or herself outside of the love of God or outside His kingdom because of adultery.”

~D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

God hates sin … whether it’s gossip or greed, selfishness or jealousy, murder, anger, or adultery.

Sin is sin to God. And we are ALL guilty.

But there’s good news. Because Jesus fulfilled the whole law, the New Covenant has come–a Covenant full of mercy and overflowing with grace. And God offers mercy and grace to each one of us, no matter what.

And nothing can separate us from His love. Ever.

There is always hope.

So what should you do if you’re heart needs to process the devastation of divorce?

What steps can you take today to minimize the tragedy of divorce in your own life?

1. If you’re married, commit to make your marriage amazing!

Make time for your spouse.

Go on dates.

Give up your selfish ways.

Be the kind of spouse you want to have.

Talk more.

Have sex more.

Just have fun together and aim to be best friends.

2. If you’re marriage is deteriorating, disconnecting, or spinning downward, tell someone.

Get help.

Reach out and refuse to let the secrecy of your struggle strangle your future.

Refuse to blame the other person.

Own your own crap, humble yourself, and apologize to your spouse today.

And choose to show mercy and grace to your spouse, just as you’ve received from God.

3. And if you’re already divorced, no matter the reason, FORGIVE.

~Choose to forgive whoever hurt you.

Whatever the circumstance that caused pain, let it go.

~Ask for forgiveness from anyone you may have hurt.

Search your heart.

Own your choices.

Admit your wrongs.

Pursue peace at all costs.

Write a letter. Send an email. Make a phone call.

Do whatever you can to make things right.

No matter their response.

Because you are only responsible for you.

~And most importantly, forgive yourself. Because God has already forgiven you.

Let go of the guilt. Release the shame.

Surrender it and lay it down, because you are free.

And then what should you do?

Live.

Live in the freedom Jesus provides.

You are not condemned.

You are forgiven. And you can forgive.

Because nothing is too big to overcome with God on your side.

And God wants you to bless you more than you can imagine!

Mercy found me, my friend. Won’t you let it find you today too?

How have you been affected by divorce?

How has God healed your heart?

Continuing on in memorizing the Sermon on the Mount, with Ann and this community. Join us?

This week on to Matthew 5:33-35 (ESV)…

{WEEK 16}

Matthew 5:33-35 (ESV)

Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King.

a y h h t i w s t t o o y s n s f b s p t t l w y h s b i s t y d n t a o a a e b h f i i t t o g o b t e f i i h f o b j f i i t c o t g k

Other posts in this series:

~Memorizing the Sermon on the Mount

~For When You Want to Know How to Really Teach {Week 1}

~For When You Need to Quit Performing to Earn God’s Love {Week 2}

~When You Long to be Satisfied and Supremely Happy {Week 3}

~For When Memorizing is Intimidating and Change is a Challenge {Week 4}

~For When You Don’t Fit in and You’re Not Feeling Accepted {Week 5}

~Because You Are Meant to BE the Flavor {Week 6}

~We ARE the Light of the World {Week 7}

~All Has Been Accomplished! The New Covenant Has Come {Week 8}

~For When You Think It’s Only About Following the Rules {Week 9}

~Because It’s All About the Illustrations & Their Principles {Week 10}

~For When You Encounter Prickly People {Week 11}

~What to Do When Someone is Upset With You {Week 12}

~Holiness is a Matter of the Heart {Week 13}

~Because a Life of Holiness Demands My Soul, My Life, My All {Week 14}

Linking with The Better Mom, Women Living Well, Do Not Depart, Good Morning Girls, Denise in Bloom, Imparting Grace, Thought Provoking Thursday

**Photo Credit: Jeannette E. Spaghetti, Flickr Creative Commons

Filed Under: Adversity, Bible Memorization, Divorce, Grief & Suffering, Guilt & Shame, Marriage, Sermon on the Mount Tagged With: aching, brokenness, failing, forgiveness, grace, hope, lovingkindness, mercy, realness

For When Your Heart Aches…

March 2, 2012 by Jacque 9 Comments

Do I really dare to write the ways my heart aches—the ways I feel bare and exposed?

How do I give words to the dull underlying feeling that seems to be inevitable in this life?

I drive to work as the sun begins to rise, and the song plays. And its refrain undoes me. I ache at the moments I’m not seizing and the ways I feel like I’m failing. Will I look back and regret? I don’t want to. And I repurpose in my heart right there as I drive, to love them stronger, to speak life deeper, and to hug longer than I’ve been doing.

I pull in to my dark driveway at the end of the day and read the emails, all of them ending with expressions of love. And while I know they are heartfelt and sincere, I still ache. I ache at having friends that I can’t spend time with face to face. People I call friends, but I hardly ever see. I long for connection—that face to face time.

I go upstairs and it isn’t even 5 minutes I’ve been home, and I misinterpret what he says again, and the conversation unravels. And I stand there at the end of the bed exposed and bare again, like a tree in winter. No leaves, no sun, just exposed to the cold right there. And while I try to hold back the tears they spill over my eyelids. And I ache. Even here in this place, with the person who knows me best, I fail. And I long to be more. I long to connect. I want to be known.

And the longing to connect and be known is my signal—I’m empty and He’s the one I need.

He’s the only one who can possibly soothe the real aches—connection with Him the only lasting thing that satisfies. May I listen to that signal, and run to Him when my heart aches.

Psalm 86:3-13, 15-17 (NASB)

³ Be gracious to me, O Lord,
For to You I cry all day long.
⁴ Make glad the soul of Your servant,
For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
⁵ For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,
And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You.
⁶ Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer;
And give heed to the voice of my supplications!
⁷ In the day of my trouble I shall call upon You,
For You will answer me.
⁸ There is no one like You among the gods, O Lord,
Nor are there any works like Yours.
⁹ All nations whom You have made shall come and worship before You, O Lord,
And they shall glorify Your name.
¹⁰ For You are great and do wondrous deeds;
You alone are God.

¹¹ Teach me Your way, O LORD;
I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your name.
¹² I will give thanks to You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
And will glorify Your name forever.
¹³ For Your lovingkindness toward me is great,
And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.
¹⁵ But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth.
¹⁶ Turn to me, and be gracious to me…
¹⁷ Show me a sign for good…

Because You, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.