I begin in the west and fly halfway across the country before I finally arrive for the conference. The driver picks me up at the airport and I’m reunited with my online friend who started her journey this morning in the east.
We chat a mile a minute and look forward to seeing our “smaller” blogger friends and many of our “bigger” blogger friends too.
During the conference I meander through sessions with my “smaller” blogger friends, all the while casually noticing who’s interacting with whom. I watch the “bigger” bloggers interact with their own circles of friends, while I engage with mine—looking them in the eye, listening, and relating.
But I deceive myself, because while I think I’m fully present in each conversation, in reality I’m partly absent. And as the conference presses on, I realize I’m disappointed when my “bigger” blogger friends have not initiated a fuller connection with me.
My disappointment is a symptom of my illness—the virus of insecurity—hovering like a flu.
It has infected me. And I ache with its uncertainty while questions linger…
Do I matter?
Do I fit in?
Do “they” notice me or even want to be my real friend?
And it’s the last day of the conference when God convicts me of a cold hard truth…
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Have you struggled with insecurity?
In what situation have you felt like you’re not enough?