Fifteen years ago yesterday, I sat in my living room and confessed my 2-year affair to my husband. And when I did, I had no plan what I’d do next, and no idea what I even wanted.
All I knew was my double-life was destroying me from inside. And no matter how hard it was to say it out loud to him, the truth had to be better than all I was living.
Hiding in secret.
Covering my tracks.
Denying truth to satisfy immediate longings.
And by default, my behavior rejecting the Savior who’d given His very life for me.
All of it so wrong.
We sat in our living room, fifteen years ago yesterday, and I said the unthinkable. And I’m not sure what I thought would happen after. In fact, I’m fairly certain I didn’t consider that at all, since I was so focused on the immediacy of alleviating the pain of my double life. But in the aftermath of telling the truth, I quickly discovered things got much worse before they got better. So much worse.
But life getting worse didn’t mean it’d never get better.
Sometimes there has to be ugliness before beauty, and we have to be wrecked in order to be rebuilt again. [Tweet that]
And the wrecking can be just as painful as the rebuilding. Deep, gnawing, excruciating brokenness followed by foundation digging, foundation laying, and all the nailing necessary to build something new.
But just because there’s pain, doesn’t mean it won’t be worth it in the end.
And fifteen years later, this Monday after Easter, I can say without hesitation, the truth was worth telling. The wrecking was worth experiencing. And the rebuilding, although long and slow, was an experience of change and healing necessary for me.
And I’d say it’s necessary for you too.
I’m different after my wrecking than I was before.
Brokenness shattered me.
Failure changed me.
And I am not the same as I was before.
And isn’t that what the message of His resurrection is all about? Pain to joy. Death turned to life. Ashes into beauty. Something new where nothing once was. And a shoot of hope where the spirit was wilting.
Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work, so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1: 2-3 (NIV)
As I begin a new memory project in James this year, I’m reminded how James 1 tells us to consider it to be joy, as our difficulties cause us to lean in to our God. How our faith propels us to Him in our trials, and just simply being with Him changes us.
As we give thanks for His companionship and love, we exchange our burdens for His embrace, and surrender our worries to receive His perfect peace by spending time reading His Word and in prayer each day.
Just a purposing to think of Him instead of our problems, and ponder His Word instead of our worry.
He changes us to be more like Him by our time spent with Him, and we move closer each day to not lacking anything.
Wherever you find yourself this day after your resurrection celebration, may you know there is no wrecking you can’t survive.
No brokenness He can’t repair.
No sorrow in which He doesn’t join you.
And so very much miracle-working rebuilding ahead as you abide in Him.
And while life is far from perfect for me this day, one thing I know, I am His. And He is mine. And life is far better today than I could have imagined it to be fifteen years ago today.
Because His mercy found me, and His grace overwhelms me.
And until my dying day I will never cease to tell of our great God who leaves nothing unredeemed.
May you know today, how much hope you have in Him.
And how very loved you really are.
What are you facing this week after Easter?
I’d love to join you in the comments…
Continuing on in the counting of 1,000 gifts and beyond with Ann, and her beautiful community.
And why not take the #Joy Dare and join us in counting gifts wherever you are??
Birth and new life
Phone call with a friend
New green leaves
Chips with melted cheese
Memory foam pillow
Cold ice water
Quiet late nights