For When You’re Exposed and Have Lost Your Words

January 25, 2013 by Jacque 35 Comments

I hear the pitter patter of the rain and see the clouds hang on the mountain, much like the words hang heavy on my heart. Where have they gone? After baring my soul to the world, braving the cold winds of exposure and judgment, what now?

January has left me behind…

Deadlines to meet and endless work to be done,

Gaps to fill from leftover December tasks,

Homeschooling lesson plans, post deadlines, and bi-yearly work re-certifications all due this month.

The tasks smother me and I lose my words.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t discouraged.

Frustrated to not have the time to write,

And more frustrated to not find words when I finally sit and make time for it anyway.

I watch the unsubscription notifications continue to come. They’ve heard my story, and I suppose there’s no reason to stick around. Stripped bare, then left. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t matter.

Yet I know this … this is my calling—to shout of the mercy and grace of our God.

To allow Him to mend my most broken places … and I have … and for you to allow Him to mend yours too.

But if just being mended were the end, I would squelch the fullness of His work in me.

The mending is just the beginning.

Then comes the surrender … the obedience required to allow Him to use it for good … because He’s the only one who can.

And so, this God-sized dream of a community of mercy and grace,

This place,

Right here,

For us to celebrate the redemption He brings to the everyday messes we make,

May it become whatever He wants it to be.

And although I search for the words, I will continue to come, again and again. And I will never cease to tell of the abundant grace He gives and the mercy that finds us, in any moment, right where we are.

And if that means exposing my weaknesses, I will do it, as He calls me to … for His sake, that He may be glorified in me.

To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak…

and I do all things for the sake of the gospel,

that I might become a fellow partaker of it.

I Corinthians 9:22-23 (NASB)

Do you find uncertainty after being exposed?

How hard is it for you to find your words?

And you’re invited to link up next week!

As we meet for the first time ever, right here, and tell of how mercy has found us,

even in the smallest of ways …

I’d love to see you there!

To read more about the link up, click here…

I’m joining Lisa-Jo, over at her site today, to take five minutes and just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. The challenge is to write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing, with the prompt she gives. And today, her prompt:

Again…

Filed Under: Adversity, Brokenness, Character, Community, Five Minute Friday, God's Mercy & Grace, God-Sized Dreams, Humility/Self-Denial Tagged With: 1 Corinthians, brokenness, character, grace, mercy, realness

Elizabeth

Here from FMF. I’m glad you found the time and words and strength to write today. Thank you for your courage in sharing your story (which I haven’t read (yet), but am already glad you shared. Keep looking up and not at the “unsubscribe” notices!
Carly

Brave. Love you!
Jennifer Hand

wow.. thank you fro sharing. I have not been blessed with the oppertunity to share your story.. but i wish I had. i appreciate your sharing openly your struggles and feelings currently!
kelly

I’ve been following your blog for a long time even though I hadn’t subscribed. Which I have now. Please keep writing as your word are a great encouragement to so many!
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Thank you Elizabeth, I will…
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Did you recognize our mountain?? So thankful for your friendship and support…Mwah!
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Thanks Jennifer…so thankful you could stop in Blessings to you…
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Kelly…thank you so much for your sweet words. Praying all is well with you, and we continue to lift your family up to Him, even in this. Much love to you!
lindseyfoj

I want to hug you and look you square in the eyes and tell you how proud I am of you…but more so how proud I KNOW our Dad is of your willingness to walk bravely, even when afraid, into the calling, into the hard places, into the REAL! #LoveYouDearHeart
Melinda

Sweet woman, you have no idea what your words and you sharing your story have done for me. I commented somewhere that I felt like I didn’t deserve to be rescued and it was your words that lifted me up. I think I found you from FMF but God sent me to you. Your Story. I won’t go in to details but it could have been my own, if not for God’s constant intervention…. It almost was. I guess it still could even be. Your words. Thank you for them.
Ro elliott

Hey there friend…I am pulled back from blogging….therefore I am not around very much…just wanted to send you love and a (((hug))). I do miss sweet ladies like you…but feel very peaceful in this quite place. Love to you….blessings
Alia_Joy

Oh friend, I wish I could hug you and squish your beautiful face. I am sorry you are in this place, where everything aches open, I know. But you were obedient and you shared glory and grace and mercy and what remains, subscribers or not, is a testament to Him from the mouth of someone who knows. We comfort with the comfort that we have known. Keep on friend, even in the midst of those wordless moments, He is at work. I have been facing down my own demons of fear and discouragement and I have no real answers but that He tells us we can trust Him. Love you, dear heart.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1519675666 Cheli Armstrong Sigler

Jacque, You journeyed where many are not willing to go. Ditto Alia’s comments. Hugs!
Denise Oldham

Blessings, love, and hugs to you.
OneBlessedLady

Jacque, my heart hurts at the rawness of this. It’s beautiful and overwhelming and so wonderful. When we risk the exposure, the utter transparency, we find that there are others out there, just as exposed and scared and alone. But then God brings us together in community and we realize that we’re not alone, that we’re all sinners found by grace and mercy.

Blessings!
Mel

My heart really connected with this today…thank you for being so open and for sharing this piece of your heart. The business of words can be a really hard place to be, but keep going…you are a blessing to so many, including me, and I’m thrilled to be part of the Dream Team with you! Blessings, friend.
Christine Collins

I stumbled upon your blog tonight and decided the back story was a must read… (Have not read blogs in a while now). But I was so.. well, amazed at how much I needed to hear your words.. So much I need to go back and read and write down!! I am one of those cannot forgive myself people no matter how much you tell me God has forgiven me.. As well as a people pleased to the core. And I live in hiding too.. Which it’s true- a painful thing of its own. I only hope one day we can truly get together and I will stop hiding.
Thank you for being so courageous and obedient. He truly has the perfect timing. And at work in your words
http://twitter.com/TheMaryBonner Mary Bonner

Oh my friend…I get the discouraged part, especially after baring your soul. And those people that unsubscribed…well, don’t take it personally. Although I know that is easier said than done. But I unsubscribed from some blogs this week because my inbox is overflowing. Your blog is NOT one of them! All that aside my friend, our father has plans for you. You shared a story that touched so many lives, including mine. Maybe he needs you to sit quietly for a bit because you need a rest…or maybe something REALLY exciting is just around the corner…whatever, I am praying for you during this season of no words. I love you, Jacque and I wish I could see you in person!!
Karin Madden

You. Are. Brave. I have not stopped by here before, but now I’m so glad I did. I don’t know why people subscribe or unsubscribe from blogs, but it doesn’t matter. Your words matter. Your story matters. I don’t have the same story that you have, but you’ve given me more courage to share mine. Keep on writing. We’ll keep on reading. Many blessings to you.
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Thank you so much Lindsey…to follow His calling into the hard real places…may it be so! Love you..
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Ahhh, Melinda, really?? Wow, God is so good. Thank you for blessing me with your words, your encouragement, and to be able to know He is working…even through me, such joy and hope that brings Blessings to you!
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Hi Ro…I just hopped over and caught up…so sorry I was so behind, as I wasn’t really linking or reading in December as I was so busy writing. I am sending you big {{{HUGS}}} back my friend!! I’m grateful for the peace you are walking in, within the quiet. And I know you are leaning in close letting Him guide. You are such an inspiration and encouragement to me…helping me know I CAN make it through this season of mothering and schooling and loving God well… and I’m so SO thankful that even in your paused moments, you would come over to speak love to me. I am still hoping one day I can hug you in person. You mean so very much to me. Much much love to you!!!
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

I am considering myself hugged!! And yes…a testament to Him…and to comfort with the comfort I have received. Thank you holding up my arms with your words, and I know from following your words over at your place, you know of what I’m talking about. And so, as we walk forward, following hard after Him, may our lives be an offering pleasant and sweet for Him to use as He chooses…our call to come to an altar and die to our own selves, that He may be glorified through us. Sending much, MUCH love to you Alia!! I’m so thankful for you…
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Cheli, I’m so thankful for you, for your sincere care and friendship…Thankful I can see you and hug you and share real life with you. Thank you for supporting me here too, it means so much to me!
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Denise, thank you…for love and virtual hugs…blessings to you as well!
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Yes, to not be alone, to know that together we are found by His mercy and grace…may this be a place where we connect and encourage one another. Thank you for visiting me here to encourage me…it means so very much and I’m so thankful!
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Mel, I’m so thrilled to be part of the dream team with you too…what a wonderful group that is! And thank you for your encouragement to keep going…I can’t thank you enough for that! Looking forward to getting to know you more
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Oh Christine…I can’t tell you how much this encouraged me…to have the privilege to know God is working, even through the words I offer. And may you know you are not alone, and the growth is a process as we spend time re-orienting our minds to what His word says. I am praying for you, that you would be set free and know the release that comes from forgiving our own hearts and from ceasing to strive for others… fully embracing the deep love He has for us. I so understand. Really. I do. And when you want to get together…you just say the word, my friend!
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Mary, I am so thankful for our time at allume…for connecting and bonding and growing in friendship. Thank you for being a constant encourager to me as I stepped into my calling to write all God has done for me. You have no idea how YOU have blessed me. And you can be sure if you were anywhere nearby, we’d be sitting at Starbucks for sure!! Thank you for your love and prayers. Much love to you!
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

Karin, welcome, and thank you for your sweet words to me. And to know my words in some way have helped you…that makes it worth it all!! I can’t tell you how thankful I am for your sweet message to me. Really. Thank you.
http://GrittyGrace.com Martha Brady

hi jackie,
i haven’t popped by recently. been a littley goofy around here. first, no work…now too much:( for your encouragement: i didn’t get all of the story read. i think you told me most of it the first nite we met! i’m thinking you are finding your real audience! i know it hurts to be left when people hear your story, but there are many others who will be drawn to you b/c of it.

you realize that the group that were with Jesus when he was here on earth were not the ones who were self-righteous? you would have fit in well with those who in his close group of friends…David, and a host of others. No, you wouldn’t want to go through that ever again, but that is how YOU had to learn about His mercy and grace…and the truth of your own sinfulness. despite the pain of it all, it was worth it for you to learn that lesson.

hang in there through the pain my dear. the only important audience (Jesus) is there and is cheering you on. you go girl! go with jesus! he loves you more than you could ever imagine! martha
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

You are so sweet, and you’re right, I’m going with Jesus…all the way, my friend, all the way! Thank you for your encouragement, Martha. Blessings to you!!
http://www.brownpaperandstrings.com/ Jamie H

I don’t like the pain you’re feeling in this post! But I understand your heart here. I have felt a little this way today for different reasons. I’ll be reading. in my own time, but I’ll be reading.
http://www.mercyfoundme.com/ Jacque Watkins

I’m sorry Jamie, I hope it didn’t come across wrong. I wrote this from a raw place, and would never want to presumtuously imply that anyone should have to visit here. It is up to God to decide what happens here and I long to surrender to what it is He has for me in this place.
http://www.brownpaperandstrings.com/ Jamie H

No, no – I didn’t feel that at all. I didn’t want to encourage you in one place and discourage you in another.

I only meant that I understood the pain you were feeling having been exposed and the feeling of rejection, and that made me sad, and I wanted to comfort by saying that I don’t intend to turn away.

And that for different reasons, I can understand why you feel you don’t have any words, as I’ve been struggling with words myself lately.