I cry the ugly cry and can hardly type through the blur. My heart is aching and I know the ache is nothing compared with what some others may be facing. But my tears only know my ache, the reality of my situation, and there’s nothing more real than my very own heart.
I’m alone, yet I know God is here.
I’ve heard people say that Jesus is all we need, and while ideally this is true, He doesn’t have skin on, and He created us for each other too. And how I long for the embrace of real people to hold my heart and reassure me that everything’s going to be okay.
Maybe you’ve had these moments too … late night moments when you’re all alone and the weight of reality settles in like a heavy cloud. Where you’re overwhelmed and not sure what to do next. When you long for a friend to talk to.
Me too, friend, me too.
How is it we can know so many people, yet still feel so alone?
How is it possible to be lonely amidst so many acquaintances?
I watched the women talk on Sunday, so animated and engaged. They chatted and laughed and were full of joy. I stared and wished I had that too. But the reality is, I don’t.
I walk the church campus and hear lots of greetings. People say hi and even ask how I’m doing, but there’s no time to stop and share. Only time to say something to fill the moment–a way of making passing conversation. They asked, but I’m not sure they really wanted to know.
I’ve grown weary of acquaintances.
People I’ve known in one capacity or another, sometimes closely, sometimes at a distance.
People who say they appreciate me and love me, but all of us with lives too busy to offer face to face time with one another.
Too wrapped up in our own schedules to offer any I’m-coming-over-to-sit-with-you-on-your-couch-to-just-talk time.
And I’m thinking I’m not alone.
And while it’s true God created us for fellowship with one another, it’s also true that others can’t meet all our needs. We’re designed with an empty place in our hearts only He can fill. And times alone, without others as a distraction, bring us to the end of ourselves and make us fully dependent on Him.
And as we turn to Him, He meets us in that place.
I reflect and remember words I’ve written before…
The sacrifice of giving thanks brings joy.
The sacrifice of praise lifts the spirit of heaviness.
And is it possible He’s giving me this season to lean into Him … to turn to Him, in a new and passionate way?
So I run to His Word to replace my feelings with His truth.
I make my list of thanks—because everything is from Him. And everything is a gift.
And I put on Pandora and worship and praise Him. Because no matter what my heart feels, He is worthy of my praise. I sing. All alone, I sing. Even if all that I can sing is a broken hallelujah.
Because no matter what we’re feeling, no matter what we’re facing, he is in total control and He is good.
And He meets us even there.
In these low places and in these desperate moments.
And He is enough.
Have you ached for relationship too?
How has God met you, even in those moments?
#1621 Air conditioning on hot muggy days
#1622 A house cleaned by my husband and kids
#1623 Women of Faith in Anaheim
#1624 Help to live my God-sized dream
#1625 Job loss and joy in suffering
#1626 Extra shifts to help meet the budget
#1627 Time with my parents
#1628 A 12 mile-run with my sister
#1629 A day at the fair with the kids
#1630 Leading hymns and singing old songs
#1631 Chicken pot pie, connection, and prayer
#1632 Lunch with an almost-grown son
#1633 Kids swimming every day
#1634 The growing joy of processing life through writing
#1635 How He loves me and meets me even there